l'heure bleue

I love, love, love the concept of the blue hour... I discovered it a couple years ago thanks to a poetry collection, but even before I knew it was a thing, I've always felt that dusk especially has an energy about it, a feeling of potential, of possibilities -- it's such a relatively brief transition between day and night, but so much can happen during that change... the same thing happens as dawn breaks, but I'm so rarely awake to experience it. These paintings are by an artist I found named Evgeny Lushpin. He has some others that are absolutely incredible. Now that the semester is over -- and as happens to me so often in the spring -- I don't have any words left to write, so I'm turning to painting again. I want to explore this concept more in my own art.

I've been dealing with some loneliness and some depression that I haven't really wanted to admit, to myself or to others. Some of it feels like unrealized potential, some of it feels like just a general weariness of being in the world. I'm trying to look for meaningful moments instead of distractions, but the distractions are so much easier to find. Painting is one thing that makes me come back to the moment, and I don't have to articulate my feelings in words -- just colors.

I feel... boring.

It's probably just the midwinter doldrums, coupled with the fact that today is the first NICE nice day of the new year. But I'm feeling like life has become too one-dimensional.

I love school. (That in itself might make me boring to some.) I love learning and I'm starting to cultivate an enjoyment of teaching as well. This semester I'm a TA for a brand new Broadway Musicals class which, though still a 100-level gen-ed fulfiller, is also generally full of people who have a real interest in the subject (instead of taking it solely for the easy art credit, as is the case with so many of my Theatre 101 students). Never mind the fact that I don't know much more about musicals than the students do (and in some cases, I know less) -- I get to learn as I prepare my lessons.

The thing is, as with writing -- in fact, maybe even more so than with writing, which gives me an excuse to basically research any subject I want to -- theatre only represents one facet of my interests. This semester I'm super fortunate to be taking classes outside of the department, including a children/youth lit class and elementary French II, and in fact one of the things I love about this degree program is that it is so flexible. But not all of my interests are academic and, as I'm getting older and honing in on things I actually have a passion for (as opposed to a passing interest) it's harder to put those things aside once the semester starts. It's also harder to find the mental energy to pursue those things when I do have downtime (but such is life in grad school).

I really need to learn how to deal with and eliminate clutter. Mental clutter, clutter in my physical space -- even in conversation, I think, with making small talk instead of pursuing conversations that actually have depth and meaning. I take some pride in having become a person who can make conversation with almost anyone (I used to have a hard time speaking up) but now, I think, I need to find the line between just talking and actually saying something.

In my activities, I think the same thing is important. I waste a lot of time (in 10-20 minute intervals) doing nothing of consequence on my phone or online throughout the day. Some of it serves as a sort of mental break, but some of it is just clutter.

I guess all this is to say that my daily sphere of existence has become too narrow, and I want to open it up more. I guess recognizing it is a good place to start.

I also recognize that now is as good a time as ever to actually learn and practice the art of meditation.

The Survey Returns

After a hiatus of a couple years, I'm bringing back the New Year survey.

1.What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before? Visited New Orleans; got hired for a job I applied for online (at a public library); ice skated; played the lead role in a play (August: Osage County); saw an opera and the Russian ballet (live in both cases); taught a class...

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? I don't even know if I made new year's resolutions. The last couple years, instead of setting hard and fast goals, I've had some vague concepts of things I'd like to work on over the coming year.

3. What countries did you visit? Just the U.S., but hopefully this year will be different.

4. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015? A new stamp in my passport.

5. What was the most memorable moment of 2015? I think either announcing that I was quitting the stage management program or having my petition accepted to transfer to the Theatre Studies program. It was an interesting experience to discover something I know I was not meant to do.

6. What were your biggest achievements of the year? A new (fully-funded) degree program, and a trip to St. Louis/New Orleans despite being fairly poor over the summer.

7. What was your biggest failure? There were a couple of narrowly-averted crises, but no outright failures, I'd say.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? Mostly minor and stress-related.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jake's and a few of my friends and schoolmates at UIUC for being so supportive.

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Donald Trump -- how can anyone take him seriously? Also, the Republican party for continuing to waste government time by voting to defund Planned Parenthood and overturn the Affordable Care Act. 

11. Where did most of your money go? Besides the usual bills and rent, I'd say toward Fiona, my new-to-me car.

12. What song will always remind you of 2015? Hm. I think "Sugar" by Maroon 5, "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson/Bruno Mars, "Goodbye" by Who is Fancy and... many songs off of Hozier's album -- all songs from summer and that I listened to while trying to write a play.

13. Compared to last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I'd say happier. Or at least of sounder mind. Last year was tough, particularly with school.
ii. thinner or fatter? I think I've more or less leveled out. (I don't have a scale, so it's hard to be sure.)
iii. richer or poorer? Richer, at least in the sense that I'm living off of money I've earned, instead of student loans.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercising; creative activity; traveling

15. What do you wish you'd done less of? Procrastinating; needlessly worrying about things 

16. How did you spend Christmas? We took a trip to Green Bay to visit Jake's parents; a couple of his brothers and their ladies also came. 

17. What was your favorite TV program? I think I'd have to say Top Gear -- it's one we watched the most of. Also, Broadchurch (come on season 3!) and Smash, though it was admittedly bad.

18. What was the best book you read? I'd say Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel was up there; I also started a couple of really good mystery series -- the Tess Monaghan series by Laura Lippman and The Yard series by Alex Grecian.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2015? The CD collections at the public libraries.

20. What did you want and get? A car, a new (rented) house (with a fenced-in yard!), a new program of study.

21. What did you want and not get? A road trip to the Pacific Ocean.

22. What was your favorite film of this year? As usual, I didn't see many "new releases." In fact, I think I only saw 1. Trainwreck; 2. Star Wars: The Force Awakens; and 3. The Avengers: Age of Ultron.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 29. I had class and rehearsal for February dance until about 8, but then Jake and I had a tasty dinner at a local restaurant called De Stijl.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?A more exciting/eventful summer (though there's something to be said about hanging around a small town).

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2015? Transitioning from a "fast fashion" tendency to a more unique-to-me sense. Also, trying to move away from basics and cheaply made clothes/shoes to higher quality stuff that will last longer. 

26. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Probably David Tennant.

27. Who was the best new person you met? That's tough. I met a few good people in class and working on shows at school (Nick, Tyler, and Stephanie among them), and a couple fun coworkers at the library. I don't know that I could list anyone as the standout best.

28. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015: You can't be good at everything; you have to eliminate certain hobbies/pastimes in order to make time for/get better at the ones that are important to you. Also, sometimes you just have to put yourself out there, even if you don't think you're "ready" yet.

New Year, Same Me

Rather than use this as an archival space (which is what I'd started doing -- I'm guessing by the lack of activity here that no one's any more interested in reading that than I am in typing it) I'm going to start using it as a place for things that are on my mind, or that are more current. 

In exactly two weeks from today, I turn 30 years old. I've been trying to come up with different ways to commemorate it, to make it "special," but I think I have to face the fact that I'm just really not good with ceremony. I made a list of "30 Things to do by 30" on a cool website that I found, but given that I only made it this past summer, I didn't have much time to plan for/do anything too outlandish (though I did sort of cheat and add some things that I'd already done). And yeah, a few of the other things are leaning more toward lame and aren't particularly noteworthy. 

Not to mention, my birthday itself is on a Wednesday, one day after the spring semester starts. I'll have class from 9am-5pm. It doesn't really leave a lot of time for adventure (though I do have tickets to the Russian ballet which will be on campus for a few performances that week).

I realize the value of reflection, and I realize that milestones like this are good times to do so. But I'm much more future-oriented, and I think I always have been. I like making lists and setting goals, and I think looking ahead, beyond the immediate future, is important for perspective. But the further you look, the more of an effect unforeseen circumstances can have. To me, the as-yet-unknown opportunities are way more exciting than any plan I might outline. 

So I guess the point is, I don't really have a point. Or a plan -- one of my "30 Things" was to write one for the next 5 years, but I can almost promise I won't stick to it. Maybe I'd get further if I did, but then I'd miss some of the fun detours that will come up along the way.

My Life in Illinois: Update for May

Classes ended, I got a job as a page at the local public library, and I visited Baltimore. The library job is only part time, but it's just enough to pay the bills. Plus I like being back in the library regularly. I've also checked out more books and movies than I'd ever have time to read/watch during the school year (or even now that school has ended; admittedly I've returned a few things unread). It's an easy job -- put books, movies, and CDs away, shelf-read and clean up -- though they've started giving me more to do now that I've caught on to the initial job. There's a whole army of pages -- a couple dozen -- who range in age from high school to grandparents; in fact, most of them seem to be in one category or the other, though there are a few closer to my age.

I went back to Baltimore to see the UB MFA reading and thesis presentation and to visit friends that still live there. I flew in from Chicago on a Thursday and stayed with Maureen for the weekend; I hadn't made any real plans with anyone in advance but managed to find a friend from the library to hang out with for the evening and then met up with another friend/former classmate, Roger, for wine in Little Italy Thursday night. I was quickly reminded, trying to get back to Maureen's, of the public transit's shortcomings; the free buses stop running at 9pm on weeknights, and the light rail by 11pm. It became a recurring problem throughout the weekend, and even trying to get to the airport on Monday to fly home (luckily for me, my flight was delayed a bit). I had forgotten how hard daily life in Baltimore is in general -- not just getting around, but having to pay attention and to constantly be aware of what's going on around you. Nothing bad happened; in fact, with the riots having occurred so recently, there were more officers and security guards around than usual. It was a bit weird walking into the Rite Aid I used to go to all the time and seeing a security guard hanging out at the kiosk by the door. But it was a reminder in general of how different life is in a city like Baltimore vs. a town in the Midwest.

I was reminded of some of the good things too; I visited campus and saw former professors and classmates at the reading, and ate at my favorite pizza place in my old neighborhood with my friend Dave. Maureen and I spent Friday afternoon in DC at a WWII commemoration and visited a great market and used book store there with her friend Nora. I also got to spend some time writing at one of my favorite coffee shops Saturday afternoon and go to Maureen's birthday party that evening (where I caught up with a friend I hadn't seen much of even the last couple years I lived in Baltimore, which was an unexpected surprise). On Sunday, I had brunch with my friend Mike, then Maureen and I made it to the beach (though it turned out to be a private beach, so we didn't get to swim; it was a bit too cold anyway). I went back to the shop on Sunday night to hang out with Maureen and my friend Dewey.  And Monday I had brunch with my friend (and former Spotlight UB supervisor) Kimberley before heading to the airport. 

It was a good trip, and I'd like to visit again, but I think I'll rent a car next time. I don't think I'll ever move back to Baltimore, though. It definitely felt like that chapter in my life had closed, at least for now.

One other less exciting thing happened in May; on the night of my last final exam (for theatre history) I was driving my new car to meet my friends Nick and Sami in Urbana for a celebratory drink, when the battery and gauge lights came on and I lost power/power steering. I turned off the busy road I was on and mostly coasted on to a side street while the engine sounded like it was struggling to stay running. I turned the car off, and it wouldn't turn back on after that -- it acted like it was out of gas. It was, in fact, leaking gas onto the road. I called Jake and he came and checked it out and called a tow truck; in the meantime, I talked to Sami and told her what had happened. "Do you want us to come hang out with you?" she asked. I told her no, thinking it wouldn't be very fun for them to hang out on a side street next to the apartment complex where I'd stopped, but a little while later they showed up anyway. Which, I discovered, actually meant a lot to me, that they were willing to stay and keep me and Jake company while we waited. It was sad to watch Fiona be towed away, but we found out next day that it was only a bad fuel pump -- a relatively inexpensive fix, in the grand scheme of things. I had my car back by noon on Friday.

Also in May, most of my stage management friends (so basically all of my friends here in Chambana) went off to their various jobs and internships out of state (or at least out of town), so I got really good at spending time by myself. I did work my first Krannert event -- commencement, actually -- as an events stage manager, which took up most of the day on Sunday the 17. The university had one huge commencement on Saturday in the football stadium, then department-specific commencements scattered throughout Krannert Center's theatres the next day. I got acquainted with both the Great Hall and a couple of the other Events SMs. The job mostly involved me telling students when to walk in and occasionally opening the door to the stage for a guest speaker or musician; I spent a lot of time during the actual ceremonies (I was there for three of them) reading Sherlock Holmes on my phone.

Over Memorial Day weekend, Jake and I met my mom, her husband, and my sister in Indiana and drove out to Pennsylvania with them, to visit my grandpa and step-grandma where they live in a tiny former mining town called Wyano. It'd been probably 15 years since I was there last and almost that long since I'd seen my grandparents. It was interesting to catch up with them and see the town (if you could call it that -- about all it has is a post office and a truck repair shop) as an adult. We went out Sunday and saw the site where United flight 93 went down (it is quite literally a patch of grass in the middle of nowhere, though they've built a memorial and have broken ground for a huge Welcome Center. I have mixed feelings about that). We also saw the site where they rescued the miners at Quecreek (it's more or less in someone's yard) and drove past the house my mom lived in as a kid. It was generally a relaxing weekend, though we spent a LOT of time in the car. 

My life in Illinois: Update for March and April

All of March and most of April were spent working on Tennessee Williams' "Not About Nightingales," which ran April 9-19. It went better for me than my first show did, of course: I liked the story of the play itself, I had a better sense of what I was supposed to be doing, and the director was really easygoing (plus he rarely kept us for the full 4-hour rehearsal period -- in a six-day work week with 15 credit hours, every hour makes a difference). It was in the Studio Theatre, with a much different set layout (and no 10 out of 12 -- in fact, with no complicated transitions, tech went really well). I also worked with a few actors that I knew from "The Skin of Our Teeth," and the stage manager (who of course I already knew from class and worked with on Feb Dance) and I ended up becoming pretty good friends. I kept track of props instead of costumes which was more complicated in some ways (it was a prop-heavy show) and simpler in others (no constant back-and-forth with the costume shop trying to work around everyone's schedules). Unfortunately my Theatre History paper (10 pages) was due three days after the show closed, so I was drafting and reading articles in the pit between my ASM cues. 

In March we also had a week off for Spring Break (which helped make up for the fact that we had tech on Easter) and I decided to fly down to Florida to visit my grandparents for a few days. They spend winters in central Florida (a couple hours away from all the major attractions) but there were some excellent thrift stores and flea markets. It was nice to just spend a couple relaxing days away from the hectic schedule of school and I was really glad to be able to spend some time with my grandparents and great aunt (since for the last few years I hardly saw them, especially when I lived in Baltimore). My grandpa took me to this crazy huge outdoor flea market one morning (after it had been raining) and there were rows and rows of tables and pavilions (he said there were even more on clear mornings). We found all kinds of interesting things -- he collects those old-fashioned oil lamps (which they had, at a few of the booths) and I found a bunch of little odds and ends -- a new purple watch, a pair of cheap sunglasses, and a new writing notebook, to name a few. My grandpa also plays in various bands and at various jams around his community there and he hosted one the second afternoon I was there. He was worried about how many people would show up but of course there was a full circle (at least a dozen) of guitar players and banjo players and bass players. 

My last full day in Florida, I did borrow the car and drive out to Indian Rocks Beach to meet some school friends (who were also on Spring Break in FL) for the afternoon, which was a lot of fun. I took my first swim in the Gulf AND we saw a dolphin. We also collected a few sea shells and I had some fish tacos at Krabby Bill's. It was a perfect day for the beach weather-wise and not too crowded.

When school started back up again we moved into onstage rehearsals and I announced my official decision to quit the stage management program. I realized that while I was enjoying working on Nightingales, it wasn't what I wanted to make a career out of, at least not in the capacity of stage management. I didn't really have a plan for what was next; I was thinking maybe some time off from school and then back for some other theatre-related discipline. But then my advisers (who were amazingly supportive -- it wasn't exactly surprising, but it was touching nonetheless) suggested I stay at UIUC and talk to the chair of the Theatre Studies MA/PhD program. To make a long story short, I did just that, and after filling out a petition and having it approved, I made the transfer to the MA program with a concentration in dramaturgy and playwriting. I start in the fall. (I also start a teaching assistantship, which I'm a little nervous about, but I've felt like the universe was slowly pushing me toward teaching in some capacity for awhile now. I don't know that anything big will become of it, but I no longer rule out the possibility). Meanwhile, I finished out my stage management classes and helped out with auditions and callbacks for the fall plays.

My mom, her husband, and my youngest sister came down the first weekend of performances to see Nightingales, and after some shopping (at a couple of book sales/stores) and some Skip-Bo, I got the chance to check an item off my bucket list: try ice skating. The university has its own ice arena (of course) and they were hosting a public skate, so we caught the last half hour of that. My sister, who's been ice skating before, was the only one to accompany me on the ice, and despite never having done it I think I did pretty well -- I didn't fall once. I have been rollerskating and rollerblading since I was a kid (with a number of long hiatuses, but still) and some of those skills transferred over. My mom took lots of pictures (and a video or two, I think) to commemorate the occasion, ha.

The second weekend of the show, my dad, stepmom, and other younger sister came down for the afternoon and brought me a long-awaited (well, since February) purchase: a burnt-orange 2004 Sunfire which I promptly named Fiona. After about four and a half years without a car (most of which were spent in the heart of midtown Baltimore) I decided that I needed one in my life again. Living in the Midwest is much more challenging without a vehicle, even in a town with as good a bus system as Champaign's. It took me awhile to get used to being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want (I'm not sure I'm all the way there yet) but I did drive myself to the final performance of Nightingsles in it, which was empowering. 

My family also had Chicago-style pizza for the first time ever [at least in my sister's case] while they were here.

So, the show ended with a successful run and, with my afternoons and evenings now (mostly) free, I got back to the business of completing my production assistantship hours and catching up on school work. 

But my heart is in Ireland

Since I lied several posts back and never published anything about my 2014 trip to Ireland, and since the 2015 Armagh Project is currently in full swing, I figured it would be fitting share a few photos from last year. I was super lucky to go as a teaching assistant this time around (which meant all I paid for was my flight) and even more so that one of my best friends, Maureen, got to come along. We were both part of the group that wrote 10-minute plays to be performed at the JHISS, and we got to visit Belfast, Giant's Causeway, Galway, the Cliffs of Moher, and Dublin together. It was a lot of fun for me to see what had changed and what hadn't, and what I still remembered. It was also interesting to feel how much I've changed since my first trip in 2012.

Armagh City

We got to tour the former Armagh Gaol...

Rumor is they're planning to turn it into a boutique hotel.

Dublin

The view from our hostel window in Belfast, not far from Queen's University

Me, contemplating life, the universe, and everything from the cliffs near Giants Causeway

After the end of the program, Jake flew out and met me in Dublin, and we did a whirlwind tour of that city, plus Cardiff, London, and Paris.

Our view of London from the plane (we flew in from Dublin)

The Blue Cock in Trafalgar Square (in front of the National Gallery)

The National Theatre, where we saw Billie Piper in "Great Britain"

London!

Paris from Le Tour Eiffel

Notre Dame, Paris

We toured the opera house in Paris... it was gorgeous. This is the lobby.

Finally, some updates!

The next several posts will hopefully fill in some of the gaps of what's been going on in the last 10 months or so. I've been doing some life-reflection lately (at least in part because I'm turning 30 in January) and internalizing the lesson that I'm not going to get where I want to be without putting in the work. Seems so obvious in a large context, but it's the day-to-day, "do I force myself to go write now, or watch another episode of Smash first?" that actually makes this challenging.

Anyway, one of the goals on my "30 Things to Do Before I Turn 30" bucket list (disclaimer: items on list subject to change) was to get this blog back up to date. So the next few posts are going to be compiled partly from emails and writings done elsewhere in order to get a sort of complete record, and then hopefully in the next couple days I'll have another post about what I'm doing right now.

My Life in Illinois: Update for January and February 2015

The spring semester started up on my birthday, but I started working even before that. Back on the weekend of January 10, UIUC hosted an Illinois High School Theatre Fest where high schools from all over the state came and put on shows all over campus. It was a long, exhausting weekend, but it was fun, too -- each school had about 5-6 hours to load in their set, set up all their tech (lights and sound), perform their show, and tear everything down. We had shows back-to-back Friday (three total), plus one on Saturday before our strike.

A couple days after that, we started onstage rehearsals for the February Dance concert, for which I was an Assistant Stage Manager. The dance shows here are nice because we don't have to go to all of their rehearsals; we join the process once they move onstage. Then we're responsible for sweeping and mopping the dance floor and basically just being present to make sure they don't need anything. As an assistant, I didn't have to be in the room the whole time (I traded off with the other ASM) and thus could work on paperwork in between. That show had its performances the weekend of February 7, and there were only three, so it was over pretty quick. There were five dance pieces total in the show, ranging from about 6 minutes to about 20, and I was mostly responsible for overseeing the crew during the transitions -- we moved in and out platforms and curtains and a fog machine and lights... in some ways I liked it better than theatre, because there was less sitting in between doing stuff, and the whole show was shorter than a play (it was about an hour and a half including intermission). I only got a few days off between the end of that and my first rehearsal for my next show, "Not About Nightingales," which started Thursday, Feb 12. We get Saturdays off, which is nice, and only have a short rehearsal on Sunday afternoons, but my schedule through the week will be a little crazier, especially on Thursdays and Fridays when I have class/meetings starting at 9am. Every day, though, I have a block of free time between 3-6pm, which is nice. 

I've also been searching for internships, and have been focusing on the ones that don't take up the whole summer (so that I can do some travelling too, and/or spend some time in Chicago with Regina). I've found a couple that are June and July only, but I've been horrible about applying. The biggest thing I would like is to be paid, and to get experience relevant to theater (housing -- which many of the theaters provide -- would be a nice bonus). In fact, it doesn't even necessarily have to be an internship; even a temporary summer job is fine. There are a lot of festivals and such that do theater over the summer; I've been looking especially at the ones in east-coast states -- Maryland, Virginia, New York, Massachusetts, North Carolina, etc.-- since I think that's where I'd ultimately like to go after I graduate.

Admittedly, though, I've also been debating the idea of quitting my program. I still love theater, and the more I learn about the job of stage management, the more I enjoy aspects of it, but my show assignments combined with all the class work doesn't leave me any real time for creativity, and I'm definitely feeling the void. There are a couple classes in particular which I have to take every semester that just feel like busywork and a waste of time.

But, we also got our show assignments for next year, and they're putting me on the show 1984 -- I really liked the book and it was the one show I wanted to do of the 2015-2016 season, once I heard about it... so I'm conflicted. I figure I'll see how I feel once this semester is over. Either way, I do want to get some theater experience this summer outside of school, to get a sense of how other places do it and how I would (or wouldn't) like it without school work to worry about too.

I had a good conversation with my assistantship adviser about it, and she suggested that I look into things like arts administration. I had a talk with my program director about it too and she reminded me that my coming here was an experiment, and that while she really thinks I have the qualities that would make a really good stage manager, we knew it might not work. She of course wants me to stay, and wants to help me work out a schedule that does leave me some free time, and she gave me some good advice about time management that has helped already. But I also know that she wouldn't be upset with me if I did decide to quit, which does take some of the pressure off. 

I have been starting to think about where Jake and I would go next if I decide not to continue at UIUC, and like I mentioned, I would really like to go back to the east coast. Not necessarily to Baltimore (or to New York City, because I don't think I could handle that pace of life every day), but somewhere not too far from the ocean, and not super cold. This winter in Illinois has been particularly miserable, partly because I've been spoiled a little by the mild winters of Baltimore, but also because Jake's car hasn't been working reliably, and I've had to walk to and wait for the bus in some particularly frigid temperatures. On top of that, our apartment has these really inefficient baseboard electric heaters, which means that warm for us is 60 degrees (we have a space heater that we use in the living room, which helps too, but we use our robes and blankets a lot). It doesn't help that we have all hardwood or tile floors (the basement isn't insulated) and several windows that are particularly old and drafty. Even if we did stay here in Illinois next year, we'd definitely be finding a new apartment (preferably one where heating is included). 

I have made some friends here, though. The whole Level 21 part of the theatre department (which consists of the design, production, and technology programs -- stage management, costume, set, and prop design, and technical direction) consists of about 40-45 MFA students (seven of whom are stage managers), and we all interact with each other pretty regularly on show assignments and in one of our classes, which makes it easier to get to know people. The three of us admitted as first years in stage management this year formed our own little group, which we started calling Tray 3 (as sort of a joke, after one of the paper trays in the printer, but of course it stuck). But one of the other group members ended up being dismissed from the program somewhat unexpectedly and thus Tray 3 is no more, at least in its original form.

I have made a few friends outside of the stage managers, too. Back in November I helped with a student residency at the Armory Theatre. One of the costume designers (who was the designer for "The Skin of Our Teeth") created short plays based on Chekhov's short stories and asked me to help with the adaptations, since she knew that I was a writer. I didn't end up contributing all that much, in the end, but I went to some of the rehearsals and got to know a couple of the other actors and costume and set designers, and the show turned out really well. 

There's a handful of MFA actors (nine this year, though after they graduate a new batch will be admitted in the fall) and dozens of undergrad actors at UIUC. I've met a lot of the undergrads in my Theatre History class, and there's a pretty wide range of talent. I think sometimes that it'd be fun to just audition for parts in local plays every now and then, and maybe someday I will, but the talent and dedication you need to become really great, and to stand out among all of these people who are pretty good, or even very good, is huge. Not to mention, you have to have a certain look/body type to get cast into certain roles (in my case, not a lot of roles call for really tall women). I have no idea how easy it is to make a living as an actor these days -- especially on stage, as opposed to film -- but it's also clear -- and inspiring -- how much some of the actors really love what they're doing and how much effort they put into it. 

The Russian ballet was at UIUC the week of my birthday, so on January 21, Jake and I got free tickets to see their performance of "Cinderella." I loved it, of course -- just looking at the costumes and the pointe shoes was enough for me, but the story and the dances were engaging too. I think that's one thing that I really do love about UIUC and the Krannert Center, is that they bring in these performers from all over the world, and we get to see them (if we're not in rehearsal) for cheap or sometimes free. Plus they perform in the same spaces we get to work in, and we see them and their costume racks in our hallways. It's pretty inspiring as well.

The weekend after my birthday, we had portfolio reviews on the UI campus in Chicago, and I stayed and spent the evening and part of the day Sunday with my friend Regina; we had lunch downtown together and she bought rush tickets to see Stomp with me for my birthday, which was a lot of fun. Jake and I had gone up to Chicago for New Year's Eve, but it had ended up being a pretty big group of people so it was nice to have some one-on-one time with her. Our friend Maureen came in from Baltimore for a few days in mid-February, and the three of us went out dancing together at this industrial club which was a blast (I hadn't been out dancing in months before that), We also went to the best bookstore in the city and I bought more books even though God knows I don't need them.

My Life in Illinois: Update for December

Thanks to our close(r) proximity to Michigan and the fact that neither of us work retail anymore, Jake and I were able to go "home" for Thanksgiving this past year (for the first time in about three years). Once again, we played the Family Shuffle, wherein we try to see both sides of my family and also his in a short span of time. Fortunately we were also able to go home for Christmas (where we did the Shuffle all over again).

Earlier in the month at school, we did some preliminary stuff for IHSTF (meetings about assignments and later light hangs in a couple of the theatres, which was something I'd never done before). The semester ended with some study sessions and a final exam in Theatre History and then everyone dispersed. Closer to Christmas, I did have a really fun day in Chicago with one of my fellow stage management friends; we took the Greyhound bus up for the day (in my case; she stayed longer) and toured a couple of the Chicago theaters and got rush tickets for Cinderella. We also walked around downtown (a LOT) and took selfies in front of the giant Christmas tree at an outdoor market that smelled like delicious cinnamon almonds.

Jake and I went to my mom's for Christmas Eve; she hosted a little party with my youngest sister, my grandparents and Dave's parents. My uncle Lee (whom I hadn't seen in years) also made an appearance. We stayed the night at my mom's then went to Jake's family's in Holland for Christmas morning (though it ended up being closer to early afternoon by the time we had breakfast) then over to my other grandparents' in Charlotte, but by then we'd already missed my dad, stepmom, and sister. So we had dinner with my grandparents then went back to my mom's to spend the night. We played cards and on the day after Christmas my mom and I went shopping a bit for some of the half-off deals. I believe it was that evening we made it up to my dad's to have Christmas with him, my stepmom, and my other sister... We also made up to Saginaw, briefly, but it seems most of our MI friends have sort of dispersed (or were already busy with other plans). I guess after five years, it's to be expected, but there's one or two people (like our friend Dan) who always seem to come through for us.

It's still weird sometimes to think that we'll probably never all be in the same place again -- especially not in Michigan -- and every now and then I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed, or been able to visit more, though I've never once regretted my decision to leave. I wish I'd been able to do a better job of convincing some of those friends to come and visit us, though.

My Life in Illinois: Update for October and November

I'm enjoying school a lot, but it's keeping me even busier than I was before. For most of September and the first half of October, I had classes and meetings and rehearsals six days a week (plus the occasional Sunday event) and on my longest days I was busy from 9:30am to midnight. But once our show opened October 16, my schedule got a little less hectic. The show itself was bigger than anything I'd ever worked on before, with some pretty complicated transitions that I was in charge of orchestrating; we had a couple of platforms on my side of the stage that were originally intended to be automated, but the automation was scrapped fairly early in tech and we had to move the platforms manually between acts. (I also had my first 10 out of 12 -- which is actually more like a 13 out of 15 for stage managers -- which I'd never even heard of until September). I learned an incredible amount about the theatre space itself and what goes into executing a big show.

I liked most of my classes; I had a history of theater class, a Principles of Stage Management class, a class about dance and opera management, a stage management seminar class (with grads and undergrads, where we talk about the shows we're working on and stuff related to that). I also have a class called colloquium every Friday with the rest of the grad design and management students which is usually (at least so far) boring, though we sometimes get visits from performers who are doing shows in one of our theaters, which is really cool. One week we had a group of British puppeteers give a talk/presentation of sorts; they were hilarious.

After my show closed, I tried to catch up on a lot of the things I wasn't doing -- like my assistantship hours. I've been assigned as the Production Manager for the black box theater we have on campus called the Armory Free Theatre (it's in the ROTC building on campus and has been converted from a tank repair facility, I'm told). We schedule student residencies in the theatre, where students submit proposals for show ideas and, if selected, they get a small budget to produce them. It ranges from fairly famous plays to plays that the students write themselves. I've been to a couple of the shows so far, and it's pretty impressive how creative they get in the space with limited resources.

I also already have my show assignments for spring semester -- a dance show that runs one weekend in February and a play by Tennessee Williams called "Not About Nightingales" which runs in April. Both have started having meetings every couple of weeks, and department-wide auditions (for the theater productions) happened in early November.

And I have a 10-page research paper for my Theater History class due on December 1, so I've been trying to motivate myself to work on that. I'm doing research on the development of the Commedia dell'Arte. The public library is only a block away from our apartment, which is really convenient, and we live about a mile and a half from campus. I've been trying to find time to read and write some non-academic stuff between everything else, but it's difficult. Fortunately, we get a full week off for Thanksgiving and it's coming up quick.

Being back in the Midwest has its ups and downs; it's nice to be in a familiar atmosphere (having grown up in Michigan) where for the most part people are nicer and there are trees and grass in abundance. I do sometimes miss the pace of life and the connectivity of Baltimore (not to mention the milder winters), and I imagine we'll end up back in a bigger city once I finish up here in Illinois. I do wish I'd explored more of the east while we lived there -- the beach and the coast, the state parks and Appalachian Mountains. But from here, we have easier access to places like the south, and we're only about six hours from the Michigan family, instead of 10.5. 

On the move again

Without much advance notice, I have relocated from Baltimore to Champaign, IL, for a graduate program in Stage Management. I'm getting a crash course in what it means to be going to school for theater (and realizing how much I still have to learn). I'm also re-acclimating myself to life in the Midwest after a four-year absence. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet, besides a little conflicted. It's refreshing to be somewhere a bit more peaceful, where I can smell the trees and the hints of the coming fall instead of just cement and traffic and the fried smell emanating from nearby restaurants, but readjusting to a slower pace of life may prove to be a challenge. School may help distract me from that though. I have 17 credits this semester plus an assistantship to catch up on hours-wise. Since I was admitted to the program so late, I missed most of the first week of classes while I packed and moved, but I feel like I'm getting a clearer picture of what I need to be doing and when. After this week, the picture should be clearer still.

I had no intention of returning to school so immediately (though I assumed I'd go back eventually), but this was an opportunity I didn't want to pass up. In a lot of ways, this program is the answer to my prayers in terms of wanting to avoid the 9-5 desk job, but a part of me wonders whether I wouldn't be better off just looking for some kind of job to start earning a regular income instead of diving into another degree. I think it's the same part of me that remembers the student loan debt looming from my last degree (though I don't plan to take out any more money, thanks to a fully-funded position with a living wage included). Some of my apprehension is definitely just a result of not taking a more "conventional" path, but I've always tried to avoid doing that anyway. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, and in fact some of my Baltimore colleagues and friends most of all. I didn't get the residency in South Carolina that I mentioned previously, and the few writing/publishing-related job applications I did send in received no response, . 

I am admittedly a bit worried that maybe I won't like stage management; I don't have an incredibly large amount of experience in that area, after all, and don't yet know what all it involves. But it's a risk you take in any new endeavor, I suppose. And I will get access to some of the other elements of theater, including directing, design, and even play-writing, if I choose. I stand by what I've said elsewhere about theater being a powerful medium for telling a story, and one I want to explore. And I've had the feeling -- a premonition, even, perhaps -- over the last few months that my time in Baltimore was drawing to an end. I never imagined that I'd end up in Illinois (or at least, if I did, I would have assumed Chicago) but I feel like I'm settling in well, at least on campus, where things are already becoming familiar. My new apartment and neighborhood can only follow suit; if nothing else, I will find it continually delighting and comforting that the library -- a tie to my literary life and pursuits -- is less than two blocks away from my new home. 

Update on the In-Between

The summer is sailing by and it feels a little odd not to be mentally preparing for classes in the fall, but I suppose it's the good kind of odd.

My TEFL seminar has come and gone, and I now have a 60-hour TEFL/TESOL certification. I have an online portion to complete but the most intense part is over. After the first weekend of class (which went from 9-6 both Saturday and Sunday) I was totally exhausted, but I seemed to build up a bit of a tolerance for the second and thirdweekends. My lesson plan on present perfect tense went over surprisingly well (part of the course included an hour-long practicum, half of which we presented to the class) and I feel like I could teach if I found the right group of students (university level or adult, probably).

I'm now a little over halfway into my Ireland trip with Armagh Project 2014 (a separate post about that coming soon) and it's starting to dawn on me that I'll have to face the "real world" again soon. Though the good news is, Jake has bought his airline ticket to join me on August 3 for an additional week of travel; with that added on I've actually still got 3 weeks until real-world re-immersion. There have been weekend trips to Belfast, Dublin, and the Antrim Coast, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with the last free weekend of the program. I've also written a 10-minute play, a poem, and part of a story. Not as prolific as I was hoping to be, but it's not too late...

Now what?

Well, winter has come and gone and with it my last semester of grad school. So that's it; I officially have my MFA in creative writing & publishing; the diploma's in the mail.

Someone asked me yesterday how graduation was; I said the first thing that popped into my head: "anti-climactic." Some friends talked me into walking in the ceremony, and another who graduated last year lent me his cap, gown, and hood. I sat in the audience next to a fellow MFA'er and listened to a few speeches, walked across the stage when my name was called, got hooded and got my picture taken a couple times by the photographers and then returned to my seat. And so I guess that's the culmination of my last four years. I don't want to downplay all the work I did or the challenges I faced during that time, but now that it's over, it already feels distant. I don't feel any different now that I have a master's degree than I did before -- though I'm sure some of that is because the change was gradual and happened in increments, not all at once like the ceremony. But I'm not sure how much of an advantage it really gives me now that the experience is over. I mean, the experience was worth it, and I don't regret the last four years at all, but I'm not sure if the degree itself is going to give me an advantage in the "real world."

I'm now unemployed, for one thing. I had envisioned, during the final couple of hectic weeks, that this free time I have would be spent immersed in writing and visual art, but in reality it's been a struggle. I've managed to write something every day since the ceremony (which I realize was less than a week ago, May 22) and even pushed myself to work on a couple of artistic/crafty projects I started long ago, but I've also spent a lot of time on the couch watching TV or reading (I'll never view reading as a waste of time, but it's all amounted to a lot of sitting still). I'd also told everyone that the first several days of my break would be spent vegging and doing nothing, but... it turns out there's a lot of time in the day when you have no obligations, and my days have had room for both vegging and productivity. I know, I KNOW there's merit in sitting and being inactive, letting the mind reflect, leaving time for introspection, and it's through that introspection that I know myself well enough to understand the "problem": I need a new challenge.

Well, the challenges are coming. For three weekends in June, I'll be taking a course in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, with the goal of eventually being employed abroad, in Eastern Europe, Asia, or South America. The company I'm taking the class through, Oxford Seminars, guarantees job placement after I complete my certificate, so it will just be a matter of time before I'm off to see the world -- if I like the workshop enough to spend six months or more teaching. I've always been really ambivalent about teaching; I think the conditions would have to be just right for me to enjoy it (I don't think I'd do too well with young children, for example, or people who aren't interested in learning). But I do love English, and language in general, and I'm discovering a passion for promoting education and literacy. At the very least, this course will let me find out (perhaps once and for all) whether I can teach.

July 3, I'm returning to Ireland with most of my expenses paid this time, which is an incredible opportunity; Kimberley, my supervisor at the theater and one of the core faculty members for the Armagh Project, has arranged for me to attend again this year as a Teacher's Assistant (thus, a chance to experience teaching in a different environment). I'm a little nervous about what this will entail, since I haven't been given any formal instruction yet, but I'm really excited to get back overseas, especially since one of my best friends, Maureen, is taking the residency this time. I'm looking forward to exploring with her, to revisiting Armagh and Belfast and Dublin and also seeing some places I didn't have time to visit before. I gave myself an extra week abroad once the program is over to visit other parts of Great Britain and to return to France for a night or two (Jake is supposed to be joining me for this final week, which is also exciting -- he's never been abroad).

Then the search for a "real" job will begin (though that actually should start much sooner so that I can potentially have something lined up when I get back). I'm incredibly averse to the 9-5 corporate environment, and am really dreading the prospect of a desk job, but my resume will doubtless be sent to a few of those places. However, I've also applied for a nine-month writer's residency in South Carolina and would like to look for other similar opportunities. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to indulge this long-term wanderlust before the feeling of obligation to "settle down" takes over, but for now I'm going to keep it up. And continue trying to find a satisfying balance between productivity and relaxation in the meantime.

progress report

In just under three weeks, I'll be presenting my thesis collection of poems -- in book form, with design and layout entirely by me -- at a reading alongside other MFA candidates. In just over a month, I'll be graduating -- and actually participating in the ceremony, after some persuasion by my Baltimore friends (since my family won't be able to attend, thanks to the fact that it's occuring at 10:30 on a Thursday morning).

Yes, people have started asking me what I'll be doing next. The short answer: I'm not sure. The long answer: I have some ideas.

All of my current employment is contingent on the fact that I'm a student. Thus, come May 22, I will be completely UNemployed. I wonder if I should be more anxious about this fact than I am. I've been exploring some opportunities; one that particularly appeals to me is finding a job within the University System of Maryland so that, after a little time off, I can continue taking classes for free and maybe get another Bachelor's degree (or just continue my education without a set degree goal). I'm still also very interested in book editing, layout, and design. More than that, though, I'm interested in opportunities that allow me to travel, especially internationally. I've been looking into TESOL certification; there's a course being offered nearby over three weekends in June.

More about France (aka "Return to Baltimore Part II")

Somehow I’ve failed to write about Paris at all, anywhere (I fell behind in my journal keeping pretty quickly) so I figure I better do it now and also fulfill Part II.  

The Sacre Coeur

I didn’t sleep very well in Montpellier; whoever was in the room next to me kept going in and out, and the doors to the rooms stuck which meant that he or she kept slamming it. I was also nervous about catching my train, I think, but I made it just fine. Once I arrived in Paris, I got a little lost relying on screenshots of Google Maps again, but I eventually found my hostel. I couldn’t check in yet as it was too early in the day, but the desk clerk spoke excellent English (which was less surprising in such a big city) and explained to me all the sites I could go see in the meantime. They stored my luggage for me and I wandered off to the Sacre Coeur, which was close enough to walk to.  It was huge and gorgeous, of course, a giant domed cathedral with marble everywhere. It kind of struck me as unfortunate how touristy it’d become (there was a gift shop inside, and coin pressing machines) but it was still beautiful. Plus it’s built on a hill with stairs and terraces which allow an amazing view of Paris. And, along the side streets, was Montemarte. I had some quiche and coffee on an outdoor terrace of a restaurant within view of the Sacre Coeur then wandered through the little tourist shops and into the square, where there were rows and rows of artists set up under tents, doing portraits of people and selling their art. The weather was lovely and sunny and it was… well, me in Paris, thrilled.

After a few hours, I went back to the hostel and checked in, then took the Metro to the 7^th arrondissemont to fulfill a life goal: Le Tour Eiffel. After some debate I decided to only go to the second level (that way I have something to look forward to the next time I go, hopefully with a travel partner). It was strange to be touring it alone – and I felt silly doing the selfie thing, but didn’t want to ask a stranger to take my photo for me, despite being behind a pair of American girls in line. The views were amazing nonetheless and I even saw a hot air balloon floating over the Seine, which seems so postcardy. Also, unbeknownst to me, there’s a bar/club on the first level of the tower, and a super fancy expensive restaurant on the second (or maybe I have that backwards). There were gift shops too, of course, but I avoided buying anything.

Versailles from the front gates

After the tower I wandered a bit and found the Arc de Triomphe, then took the Metro back to the neighborhood of my hostel and had dinner. Back in my room, I discovered that, as a female travelling alone, booking a bed in a “mixed dorm” meant I’d be the only girl in the room. No matter; the three guys in the room, also all travelling alone, were perfectly respectful (though unfortunately the one in the bunk below mine was a crazy-loud snorer and I didn’t get much sleep that night. I did acquire some ear plugs the next day at a pharmacy, though it was a particular challenge trying to explain what I wanted to the shopkeeper). I also made a friend, a software engineer from California named Sunny who became my temporary travel buddy for Saturday and part of Sunday. We went to Versailles for the day and toured the castle, the grounds, and Louis and Marie Antoinette’s summer homes (yeah, they each had their own). And also Marie Antoinette’s custom-built English hamlet in the French countryside. Talk about opulence. Even the train to and from Versailles from Gare du Nord was lavishly decorated, and a man came through playing the accordion. Before we got back on the train for Paris that evening, we stopped at a McDonald’s where they had self-order kiosks and a separate pastry counter, and I ordered a coconut frappe that was incredible.

The Hall of Mirrors in Versailles

Sunny and I went our separate ways once back at the hostel (well, as separate as we could seeing as we shared a room).  I had intended to just eat at the hostel that night since I’d brought some food from Labastide, but Sunny talked me into eating at a restaurant (which I suppose makes sense since it was his last night there) so we walked over to the Moulin Rouge – also on my  to-do list, though in a weird part of the city with many sex shops around (I didn’t have any real desire to go inside; mostly I just wanted to see the windmill) – then wandered around for a while, trying to decide on a restaurant. Being a Saturday night, many of them were either full or expensive, but we found one with a table near the window that had a prix fixe menu. Montemarte is quite lovely at night and the food was delicious (I think I had salmon).

Sunday it rained ALL DAY. And of course I didn’t pack an umbrella. After breakfast Sunny and I walked over to an area rumored to have some amazing outdoor markets; part of it was rows of these sort of ragtag shacks lined up and part of it was just tents lined along the street (though a few vendors made good use of a wide sidewalk under an overpass). I searched a few book stands for the French language version of Harry Potter (I’d seen them in Montpellier but they’d been pretty pricey) but had no luck. We stopped at a bakery and got some pastries, then stood under the awning outside and ate them (I LOVE strawberry tarts).

Sunny and I parted ways on the Metro after exchanging email addresses, and I went to explore the Left Bank a bit more. I found Notre Dame but decided not to wait in the incredibly long line to take the interior tour; I bought an umbrella instead then circled a few blocks trying to find the Shakespeare and Co. bookstore. I was finally victorious, after my shoes were good and soaked. The bookstore is a famous English-language shop with used and new books; they were also incredibly pricey. Upstairs was a little library/reading room where I found a copy of the Paul Auster book I’d started at La Muse but had to leave behind. I read for a while, partly hoping the rain would stop and that my shoes would dry a bit, but no luck on either front.

Notre Dame Cathedral

French Starbucks in the Champs Elysees

In the same area were two cafes made famous by such American writers as Hemingway and Fitzgerald; after some walking, I found them both but both had menus with prices a bit out of my budget. I found a restaurant on a little back street nearby and had more quiche and coffee (I also found a book store with Harry Potter #4 and #5 for €1 each, which led to some hard choices later about what to leave behind due to a lack of luggage space). After lunch I went back to the hostel for dry socks (it’d mostly stopped raining by then) before heading back to the Arc de Triomphe. Wandering the plazas nearby were several French military personnel, complete with berets and big guns, which was a little disconcerting. No one else paid them any mind though, so I assumed they were a regular presence.

The price of tickets to the top of the Arc de Triomphe was more than I wanted to pay, so I circled the outside then headed for the Champs Elysees. They were, in all honesty, a bit disappointing. I wandered through a French Gap and a French H&M (passing a French Starbucks along the way) before deciding I’d had enough. Plus the rain was starting again. So I went back to the hostel for my second-to-last night, packed up most of my stuff, and got ready to go to London the next day.

New Year, New Survey

So I promise that I started this around the time of the New Year, even though I'm only posting it now.


1.What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? France! And England. Spent a night in a hotel on U.S. Airways' dime and got a travel voucher (thanks to a cancelled flight). Swam in the Atlantic Ocean. Got an old-timey photo done with Regina and Maureen. Interviewed a professor for a magazine article. Recorded my singing voice to see how it sounded (it's not bad). Took a class in personal essay (and enjoyed it). 

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any solid resolutions last year. I think this year's only resolution will be to keep in better touch with my friends and family, especially as they start to scatter across the country. None of them are very good at keeping in touch either, so someone's got to step up. :P

3. What countries did you visit? France! And England, for a day.

4. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? A yard (or at least a balcony). 

5. What was the most memorable moment of 2013? Anna's wedding and the surrounding days in MI. Rehoboth and Ocean City. Being in Labastide, and coming off the Metro into Paris for the first time (dragging way too much luggage with me). 

6. What were your biggest achievements of the year? Are you really going to make me say it again? FRANCE. Also, having the resolve to quit OTS even though it meant a pay cut.


7. What was your biggest failure? Several of my house plants died. I just can't seem to get the watering schedule right!

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? Some kind of respiratory thing after I got home from France (I believe because the air there is much cleaner than Baltimore's) and a flu of sorts in early December. No injuries, thankfully.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jon's and especially Geena's, for having the resolve to run off to Chicago to better themselves (even though it means they left us here in Baltimore, sigh). 

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Oh, come on now. Why dwell in the negative?

11. Where did most of your money go? Either rent or travel.

12. What song will always remind you of 2013? Hm. Probably "Carry On" by Fun. and "Sunshine" by Matisyahu, among others.

13. Compared to last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I think I've pretty much leveled out.
ii. thinner or fatter? A bit thinner -- I've managed to lose some my Ireland weight.
iii. richer or poorer? Pretty much the same, though I quit one of my jobs and took a lesser position at the newspaper, so I have less income.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of? Getting rid of material possessions. As my trips to both Ireland and France taught me, life is much easier when there's less clutter.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of? Buying shoes? Okay, and wasting time on Facebook...

16. How did you spend Christmas? In Michigan with family, as per usual. With a bit of time stuck in my friend Jeff's driveway so that we could get our fill of snow and ice for the season.

17.  What was your favorite TV program? Doctor Who and Once Upon a Time.

18. What was the best book you read? Probably The Artist's Guide to Grant-Writing -- it's about the business side of making a living as an artist, basically. It's one I need to look at again.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2013? My year was sort of lacking in the music department, actually. I made a couple of good Pandora stations, though.

20. What did you want and get? To go to France.

21. What did you want and not get? A yard or balcony.

22. What was your favorite film of this year? I honestly can't remember seeing anything in the theater other than "The Day of the Doctor," so I guess that wins by default.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27; my friends Jon and Regina hosted a party for me at their house and then we all went out dancing at The Get Down. It was quite fun.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? That award once again goes to a reliable, accessible public transit system in Baltimore.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Stagnated -- I'm very indifferent about most of my current wardrobe. But, on the plus side (maybe) I think I managed to get rid of more clothing than I bought, for the first time in my adult life.

26. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The Doctor, haha.

27. Who was the best new person you met? Probably my fellow La Muse retreaters -- particularly Helena, Jenny, and Kate.

28. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013: I'm starting to learn something about the balance between solo life goals and making time for friends and family, who really make life fulfilling in a different and necessary way.