My Life in Illinois: Update for January and February 2015

The spring semester started up on my birthday, but I started working even before that. Back on the weekend of January 10, UIUC hosted an Illinois High School Theatre Fest where high schools from all over the state came and put on shows all over campus. It was a long, exhausting weekend, but it was fun, too -- each school had about 5-6 hours to load in their set, set up all their tech (lights and sound), perform their show, and tear everything down. We had shows back-to-back Friday (three total), plus one on Saturday before our strike.

A couple days after that, we started onstage rehearsals for the February Dance concert, for which I was an Assistant Stage Manager. The dance shows here are nice because we don't have to go to all of their rehearsals; we join the process once they move onstage. Then we're responsible for sweeping and mopping the dance floor and basically just being present to make sure they don't need anything. As an assistant, I didn't have to be in the room the whole time (I traded off with the other ASM) and thus could work on paperwork in between. That show had its performances the weekend of February 7, and there were only three, so it was over pretty quick. There were five dance pieces total in the show, ranging from about 6 minutes to about 20, and I was mostly responsible for overseeing the crew during the transitions -- we moved in and out platforms and curtains and a fog machine and lights... in some ways I liked it better than theatre, because there was less sitting in between doing stuff, and the whole show was shorter than a play (it was about an hour and a half including intermission). I only got a few days off between the end of that and my first rehearsal for my next show, "Not About Nightingales," which started Thursday, Feb 12. We get Saturdays off, which is nice, and only have a short rehearsal on Sunday afternoons, but my schedule through the week will be a little crazier, especially on Thursdays and Fridays when I have class/meetings starting at 9am. Every day, though, I have a block of free time between 3-6pm, which is nice. 

I've also been searching for internships, and have been focusing on the ones that don't take up the whole summer (so that I can do some travelling too, and/or spend some time in Chicago with Regina). I've found a couple that are June and July only, but I've been horrible about applying. The biggest thing I would like is to be paid, and to get experience relevant to theater (housing -- which many of the theaters provide -- would be a nice bonus). In fact, it doesn't even necessarily have to be an internship; even a temporary summer job is fine. There are a lot of festivals and such that do theater over the summer; I've been looking especially at the ones in east-coast states -- Maryland, Virginia, New York, Massachusetts, North Carolina, etc.-- since I think that's where I'd ultimately like to go after I graduate.

Admittedly, though, I've also been debating the idea of quitting my program. I still love theater, and the more I learn about the job of stage management, the more I enjoy aspects of it, but my show assignments combined with all the class work doesn't leave me any real time for creativity, and I'm definitely feeling the void. There are a couple classes in particular which I have to take every semester that just feel like busywork and a waste of time.

But, we also got our show assignments for next year, and they're putting me on the show 1984 -- I really liked the book and it was the one show I wanted to do of the 2015-2016 season, once I heard about it... so I'm conflicted. I figure I'll see how I feel once this semester is over. Either way, I do want to get some theater experience this summer outside of school, to get a sense of how other places do it and how I would (or wouldn't) like it without school work to worry about too.

I had a good conversation with my assistantship adviser about it, and she suggested that I look into things like arts administration. I had a talk with my program director about it too and she reminded me that my coming here was an experiment, and that while she really thinks I have the qualities that would make a really good stage manager, we knew it might not work. She of course wants me to stay, and wants to help me work out a schedule that does leave me some free time, and she gave me some good advice about time management that has helped already. But I also know that she wouldn't be upset with me if I did decide to quit, which does take some of the pressure off. 

I have been starting to think about where Jake and I would go next if I decide not to continue at UIUC, and like I mentioned, I would really like to go back to the east coast. Not necessarily to Baltimore (or to New York City, because I don't think I could handle that pace of life every day), but somewhere not too far from the ocean, and not super cold. This winter in Illinois has been particularly miserable, partly because I've been spoiled a little by the mild winters of Baltimore, but also because Jake's car hasn't been working reliably, and I've had to walk to and wait for the bus in some particularly frigid temperatures. On top of that, our apartment has these really inefficient baseboard electric heaters, which means that warm for us is 60 degrees (we have a space heater that we use in the living room, which helps too, but we use our robes and blankets a lot). It doesn't help that we have all hardwood or tile floors (the basement isn't insulated) and several windows that are particularly old and drafty. Even if we did stay here in Illinois next year, we'd definitely be finding a new apartment (preferably one where heating is included). 

I have made some friends here, though. The whole Level 21 part of the theatre department (which consists of the design, production, and technology programs -- stage management, costume, set, and prop design, and technical direction) consists of about 40-45 MFA students (seven of whom are stage managers), and we all interact with each other pretty regularly on show assignments and in one of our classes, which makes it easier to get to know people. The three of us admitted as first years in stage management this year formed our own little group, which we started calling Tray 3 (as sort of a joke, after one of the paper trays in the printer, but of course it stuck). But one of the other group members ended up being dismissed from the program somewhat unexpectedly and thus Tray 3 is no more, at least in its original form.

I have made a few friends outside of the stage managers, too. Back in November I helped with a student residency at the Armory Theatre. One of the costume designers (who was the designer for "The Skin of Our Teeth") created short plays based on Chekhov's short stories and asked me to help with the adaptations, since she knew that I was a writer. I didn't end up contributing all that much, in the end, but I went to some of the rehearsals and got to know a couple of the other actors and costume and set designers, and the show turned out really well. 

There's a handful of MFA actors (nine this year, though after they graduate a new batch will be admitted in the fall) and dozens of undergrad actors at UIUC. I've met a lot of the undergrads in my Theatre History class, and there's a pretty wide range of talent. I think sometimes that it'd be fun to just audition for parts in local plays every now and then, and maybe someday I will, but the talent and dedication you need to become really great, and to stand out among all of these people who are pretty good, or even very good, is huge. Not to mention, you have to have a certain look/body type to get cast into certain roles (in my case, not a lot of roles call for really tall women). I have no idea how easy it is to make a living as an actor these days -- especially on stage, as opposed to film -- but it's also clear -- and inspiring -- how much some of the actors really love what they're doing and how much effort they put into it. 

The Russian ballet was at UIUC the week of my birthday, so on January 21, Jake and I got free tickets to see their performance of "Cinderella." I loved it, of course -- just looking at the costumes and the pointe shoes was enough for me, but the story and the dances were engaging too. I think that's one thing that I really do love about UIUC and the Krannert Center, is that they bring in these performers from all over the world, and we get to see them (if we're not in rehearsal) for cheap or sometimes free. Plus they perform in the same spaces we get to work in, and we see them and their costume racks in our hallways. It's pretty inspiring as well.

The weekend after my birthday, we had portfolio reviews on the UI campus in Chicago, and I stayed and spent the evening and part of the day Sunday with my friend Regina; we had lunch downtown together and she bought rush tickets to see Stomp with me for my birthday, which was a lot of fun. Jake and I had gone up to Chicago for New Year's Eve, but it had ended up being a pretty big group of people so it was nice to have some one-on-one time with her. Our friend Maureen came in from Baltimore for a few days in mid-February, and the three of us went out dancing together at this industrial club which was a blast (I hadn't been out dancing in months before that), We also went to the best bookstore in the city and I bought more books even though God knows I don't need them.

My Life in Illinois: Update for December

Thanks to our close(r) proximity to Michigan and the fact that neither of us work retail anymore, Jake and I were able to go "home" for Thanksgiving this past year (for the first time in about three years). Once again, we played the Family Shuffle, wherein we try to see both sides of my family and also his in a short span of time. Fortunately we were also able to go home for Christmas (where we did the Shuffle all over again).

Earlier in the month at school, we did some preliminary stuff for IHSTF (meetings about assignments and later light hangs in a couple of the theatres, which was something I'd never done before). The semester ended with some study sessions and a final exam in Theatre History and then everyone dispersed. Closer to Christmas, I did have a really fun day in Chicago with one of my fellow stage management friends; we took the Greyhound bus up for the day (in my case; she stayed longer) and toured a couple of the Chicago theaters and got rush tickets for Cinderella. We also walked around downtown (a LOT) and took selfies in front of the giant Christmas tree at an outdoor market that smelled like delicious cinnamon almonds.

Jake and I went to my mom's for Christmas Eve; she hosted a little party with my youngest sister, my grandparents and Dave's parents. My uncle Lee (whom I hadn't seen in years) also made an appearance. We stayed the night at my mom's then went to Jake's family's in Holland for Christmas morning (though it ended up being closer to early afternoon by the time we had breakfast) then over to my other grandparents' in Charlotte, but by then we'd already missed my dad, stepmom, and sister. So we had dinner with my grandparents then went back to my mom's to spend the night. We played cards and on the day after Christmas my mom and I went shopping a bit for some of the half-off deals. I believe it was that evening we made it up to my dad's to have Christmas with him, my stepmom, and my other sister... We also made up to Saginaw, briefly, but it seems most of our MI friends have sort of dispersed (or were already busy with other plans). I guess after five years, it's to be expected, but there's one or two people (like our friend Dan) who always seem to come through for us.

It's still weird sometimes to think that we'll probably never all be in the same place again -- especially not in Michigan -- and every now and then I wonder what would have happened if I'd stayed, or been able to visit more, though I've never once regretted my decision to leave. I wish I'd been able to do a better job of convincing some of those friends to come and visit us, though.

My Life in Illinois: Update for October and November

I'm enjoying school a lot, but it's keeping me even busier than I was before. For most of September and the first half of October, I had classes and meetings and rehearsals six days a week (plus the occasional Sunday event) and on my longest days I was busy from 9:30am to midnight. But once our show opened October 16, my schedule got a little less hectic. The show itself was bigger than anything I'd ever worked on before, with some pretty complicated transitions that I was in charge of orchestrating; we had a couple of platforms on my side of the stage that were originally intended to be automated, but the automation was scrapped fairly early in tech and we had to move the platforms manually between acts. (I also had my first 10 out of 12 -- which is actually more like a 13 out of 15 for stage managers -- which I'd never even heard of until September). I learned an incredible amount about the theatre space itself and what goes into executing a big show.

I liked most of my classes; I had a history of theater class, a Principles of Stage Management class, a class about dance and opera management, a stage management seminar class (with grads and undergrads, where we talk about the shows we're working on and stuff related to that). I also have a class called colloquium every Friday with the rest of the grad design and management students which is usually (at least so far) boring, though we sometimes get visits from performers who are doing shows in one of our theaters, which is really cool. One week we had a group of British puppeteers give a talk/presentation of sorts; they were hilarious.

After my show closed, I tried to catch up on a lot of the things I wasn't doing -- like my assistantship hours. I've been assigned as the Production Manager for the black box theater we have on campus called the Armory Free Theatre (it's in the ROTC building on campus and has been converted from a tank repair facility, I'm told). We schedule student residencies in the theatre, where students submit proposals for show ideas and, if selected, they get a small budget to produce them. It ranges from fairly famous plays to plays that the students write themselves. I've been to a couple of the shows so far, and it's pretty impressive how creative they get in the space with limited resources.

I also already have my show assignments for spring semester -- a dance show that runs one weekend in February and a play by Tennessee Williams called "Not About Nightingales" which runs in April. Both have started having meetings every couple of weeks, and department-wide auditions (for the theater productions) happened in early November.

And I have a 10-page research paper for my Theater History class due on December 1, so I've been trying to motivate myself to work on that. I'm doing research on the development of the Commedia dell'Arte. The public library is only a block away from our apartment, which is really convenient, and we live about a mile and a half from campus. I've been trying to find time to read and write some non-academic stuff between everything else, but it's difficult. Fortunately, we get a full week off for Thanksgiving and it's coming up quick.

Being back in the Midwest has its ups and downs; it's nice to be in a familiar atmosphere (having grown up in Michigan) where for the most part people are nicer and there are trees and grass in abundance. I do sometimes miss the pace of life and the connectivity of Baltimore (not to mention the milder winters), and I imagine we'll end up back in a bigger city once I finish up here in Illinois. I do wish I'd explored more of the east while we lived there -- the beach and the coast, the state parks and Appalachian Mountains. But from here, we have easier access to places like the south, and we're only about six hours from the Michigan family, instead of 10.5. 

On the move again

Without much advance notice, I have relocated from Baltimore to Champaign, IL, for a graduate program in Stage Management. I'm getting a crash course in what it means to be going to school for theater (and realizing how much I still have to learn). I'm also re-acclimating myself to life in the Midwest after a four-year absence. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet, besides a little conflicted. It's refreshing to be somewhere a bit more peaceful, where I can smell the trees and the hints of the coming fall instead of just cement and traffic and the fried smell emanating from nearby restaurants, but readjusting to a slower pace of life may prove to be a challenge. School may help distract me from that though. I have 17 credits this semester plus an assistantship to catch up on hours-wise. Since I was admitted to the program so late, I missed most of the first week of classes while I packed and moved, but I feel like I'm getting a clearer picture of what I need to be doing and when. After this week, the picture should be clearer still.

I had no intention of returning to school so immediately (though I assumed I'd go back eventually), but this was an opportunity I didn't want to pass up. In a lot of ways, this program is the answer to my prayers in terms of wanting to avoid the 9-5 desk job, but a part of me wonders whether I wouldn't be better off just looking for some kind of job to start earning a regular income instead of diving into another degree. I think it's the same part of me that remembers the student loan debt looming from my last degree (though I don't plan to take out any more money, thanks to a fully-funded position with a living wage included). Some of my apprehension is definitely just a result of not taking a more "conventional" path, but I've always tried to avoid doing that anyway. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, and in fact some of my Baltimore colleagues and friends most of all. I didn't get the residency in South Carolina that I mentioned previously, and the few writing/publishing-related job applications I did send in received no response, . 

I am admittedly a bit worried that maybe I won't like stage management; I don't have an incredibly large amount of experience in that area, after all, and don't yet know what all it involves. But it's a risk you take in any new endeavor, I suppose. And I will get access to some of the other elements of theater, including directing, design, and even play-writing, if I choose. I stand by what I've said elsewhere about theater being a powerful medium for telling a story, and one I want to explore. And I've had the feeling -- a premonition, even, perhaps -- over the last few months that my time in Baltimore was drawing to an end. I never imagined that I'd end up in Illinois (or at least, if I did, I would have assumed Chicago) but I feel like I'm settling in well, at least on campus, where things are already becoming familiar. My new apartment and neighborhood can only follow suit; if nothing else, I will find it continually delighting and comforting that the library -- a tie to my literary life and pursuits -- is less than two blocks away from my new home. 

Update on the In-Between

The summer is sailing by and it feels a little odd not to be mentally preparing for classes in the fall, but I suppose it's the good kind of odd.

My TEFL seminar has come and gone, and I now have a 60-hour TEFL/TESOL certification. I have an online portion to complete but the most intense part is over. After the first weekend of class (which went from 9-6 both Saturday and Sunday) I was totally exhausted, but I seemed to build up a bit of a tolerance for the second and thirdweekends. My lesson plan on present perfect tense went over surprisingly well (part of the course included an hour-long practicum, half of which we presented to the class) and I feel like I could teach if I found the right group of students (university level or adult, probably).

I'm now a little over halfway into my Ireland trip with Armagh Project 2014 (a separate post about that coming soon) and it's starting to dawn on me that I'll have to face the "real world" again soon. Though the good news is, Jake has bought his airline ticket to join me on August 3 for an additional week of travel; with that added on I've actually still got 3 weeks until real-world re-immersion. There have been weekend trips to Belfast, Dublin, and the Antrim Coast, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with the last free weekend of the program. I've also written a 10-minute play, a poem, and part of a story. Not as prolific as I was hoping to be, but it's not too late...

Now what?

Well, winter has come and gone and with it my last semester of grad school. So that's it; I officially have my MFA in creative writing & publishing; the diploma's in the mail.

Someone asked me yesterday how graduation was; I said the first thing that popped into my head: "anti-climactic." Some friends talked me into walking in the ceremony, and another who graduated last year lent me his cap, gown, and hood. I sat in the audience next to a fellow MFA'er and listened to a few speeches, walked across the stage when my name was called, got hooded and got my picture taken a couple times by the photographers and then returned to my seat. And so I guess that's the culmination of my last four years. I don't want to downplay all the work I did or the challenges I faced during that time, but now that it's over, it already feels distant. I don't feel any different now that I have a master's degree than I did before -- though I'm sure some of that is because the change was gradual and happened in increments, not all at once like the ceremony. But I'm not sure how much of an advantage it really gives me now that the experience is over. I mean, the experience was worth it, and I don't regret the last four years at all, but I'm not sure if the degree itself is going to give me an advantage in the "real world."

I'm now unemployed, for one thing. I had envisioned, during the final couple of hectic weeks, that this free time I have would be spent immersed in writing and visual art, but in reality it's been a struggle. I've managed to write something every day since the ceremony (which I realize was less than a week ago, May 22) and even pushed myself to work on a couple of artistic/crafty projects I started long ago, but I've also spent a lot of time on the couch watching TV or reading (I'll never view reading as a waste of time, but it's all amounted to a lot of sitting still). I'd also told everyone that the first several days of my break would be spent vegging and doing nothing, but... it turns out there's a lot of time in the day when you have no obligations, and my days have had room for both vegging and productivity. I know, I KNOW there's merit in sitting and being inactive, letting the mind reflect, leaving time for introspection, and it's through that introspection that I know myself well enough to understand the "problem": I need a new challenge.

Well, the challenges are coming. For three weekends in June, I'll be taking a course in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, with the goal of eventually being employed abroad, in Eastern Europe, Asia, or South America. The company I'm taking the class through, Oxford Seminars, guarantees job placement after I complete my certificate, so it will just be a matter of time before I'm off to see the world -- if I like the workshop enough to spend six months or more teaching. I've always been really ambivalent about teaching; I think the conditions would have to be just right for me to enjoy it (I don't think I'd do too well with young children, for example, or people who aren't interested in learning). But I do love English, and language in general, and I'm discovering a passion for promoting education and literacy. At the very least, this course will let me find out (perhaps once and for all) whether I can teach.

July 3, I'm returning to Ireland with most of my expenses paid this time, which is an incredible opportunity; Kimberley, my supervisor at the theater and one of the core faculty members for the Armagh Project, has arranged for me to attend again this year as a Teacher's Assistant (thus, a chance to experience teaching in a different environment). I'm a little nervous about what this will entail, since I haven't been given any formal instruction yet, but I'm really excited to get back overseas, especially since one of my best friends, Maureen, is taking the residency this time. I'm looking forward to exploring with her, to revisiting Armagh and Belfast and Dublin and also seeing some places I didn't have time to visit before. I gave myself an extra week abroad once the program is over to visit other parts of Great Britain and to return to France for a night or two (Jake is supposed to be joining me for this final week, which is also exciting -- he's never been abroad).

Then the search for a "real" job will begin (though that actually should start much sooner so that I can potentially have something lined up when I get back). I'm incredibly averse to the 9-5 corporate environment, and am really dreading the prospect of a desk job, but my resume will doubtless be sent to a few of those places. However, I've also applied for a nine-month writer's residency in South Carolina and would like to look for other similar opportunities. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to indulge this long-term wanderlust before the feeling of obligation to "settle down" takes over, but for now I'm going to keep it up. And continue trying to find a satisfying balance between productivity and relaxation in the meantime.

progress report

In just under three weeks, I'll be presenting my thesis collection of poems -- in book form, with design and layout entirely by me -- at a reading alongside other MFA candidates. In just over a month, I'll be graduating -- and actually participating in the ceremony, after some persuasion by my Baltimore friends (since my family won't be able to attend, thanks to the fact that it's occuring at 10:30 on a Thursday morning).

Yes, people have started asking me what I'll be doing next. The short answer: I'm not sure. The long answer: I have some ideas.

All of my current employment is contingent on the fact that I'm a student. Thus, come May 22, I will be completely UNemployed. I wonder if I should be more anxious about this fact than I am. I've been exploring some opportunities; one that particularly appeals to me is finding a job within the University System of Maryland so that, after a little time off, I can continue taking classes for free and maybe get another Bachelor's degree (or just continue my education without a set degree goal). I'm still also very interested in book editing, layout, and design. More than that, though, I'm interested in opportunities that allow me to travel, especially internationally. I've been looking into TESOL certification; there's a course being offered nearby over three weekends in June.