I apparently failed to mention previously that I'd be spending the summer in Michigan, but that was the plan and I am currently executing it. I've been here for about a week and a half, and I have to say it's nice to be back among my people (haha, that kind of makes it sound like I'm part of a tribe). I do have some friends to miss in Baltimore, but the city lacks a good coffee shop (or I just haven't discovered it yet).

A few updates:

1) We finally got a router for our apartment a few weeks ago, which means I can no longer realistically use this as an excuse for not updating.

2) Vegas was awesome, and exhausting. I took over 400 pictures, some of which are on facebook. My roommate, my mother and I were there for about six days, during which time we wandered up and down the strip, through as many hotels and casinos as we could handle before becoming overstimulated, attended a weekend rockabilly festival, and spent time with my brother, sister-in-law, and two nephews (one of whom I met for the first time -- he's eight months old). Also, ate way more Sbarro's in a week's time than I ever care to repeat, because it was the cheapest meal option.

Jake was supposed to accompany us to Vegas, but then realized that the trip overlapped his exam week. So he came to Baltimore the week after instead. I, unfortunately, spent a large part of his visit working on my final portfolios. I spent the remainder of it feeling too burnt out to be worthwhile company (or so it seemed to me), but he assured me that it was fine and that he'd known I was going to be busy. He's pretty good at entertaining himself, via computer or book. We did get to D.C. for a day (coincidentally, we'd planned the trip for the day Bin Laden was killed, but we didn't partake in any sort of... celebrating). We did some research for my dad at the Smithsonian, had dinner, and visited the Lincoln, FDR, and Jefferson memorials. FDR's was quite lovely -- a landscaped series of stone work and waterfalls. Very peaceful (despite the large group of children wandering through on field trip).

And I turned in the last of two portfolios one week ago today, which means I have absolutely nothing to do (besides part-time work at the library). I'm already feeling aimless. Going to have to come up with some kind of summer project.

The end of the semester is only three weeks away. I spent some time tonight working on final portfolios, and will probably get back to that in a few minutes.

Typically around this time of year I find myself getting restless. This year that hasn't so much been the case. I could speculate as to why: maybe Baltimore still feels new and open for exploration; maybe because I'm going to Vegas in a few days. Which I am most certainly looking forward to. Maybe because I've got other things on my mind. Actually, I feel in a sense that parts of my brain have just kind of shut down for awhile. It's hard to articulate and frankly, I don't think that this is the medium for it.

In other news, I am finding that, now that warmer weather is here, I miss having a car. I listen to a lot less music now that I don't drive anywhere. A couple months in Michigan should help to cure that; I've decided that I'm going back there this summer, pending a job at my former place of employment. I'm also looking forward to spending some time with my people. Exploring a new place is fun, but not always as fun when you're doing it alone.

Don't worry; I will, of course, be back here in the fall for MFA year two.

Well, back to the homework.

Well. We all know about my book-buying problem (if you didn't know: I have one. That problem is that I buy too many of them). Jake and I went to Boston the weekend of March 4th, and I came home with nearly 20 new books, two of which I already had. One of those, Rilke's "Sonnets to Orpheus," I knowingly bought a second copy of because the newer one also included "The Duino Elegies." Regardless, I've resolved to create a sortable database of all the books I have, and then to print some form of it to carry with me.

Let me tell you though, Boston has some amazing bookstores. First and foremost, Raven Used Books, which had two locations... we found both of them. They had things I'd never been able to find in used book stores. Like Kurt Vonnegut. And adequate poetry sections. The Harvard University book store was of course also amazing. It had a basement level of used books and remainders (including more poetry). In Harvard Square there was also a poetry book store whose ad boasted over 16,000 volumes of poetry, but of course it was closed Sundays (the day we were there) and Mondays. All in all, I picked up poetry books by Rilke, Marina Tsvetayeva, e.e. cummings, Franz Wright, Margaret Atwood, Rita Dove, Erica Funkhouser, Jane Hirschfield, and others...

The good news in all this is that I've been reading more as well. Jake came and visited for about 10 days; I spent the last four being sick and not doing much which required energy. I finished one poetry book and read three more plus part of a novel in that time. I've since completed a short story collection I was reading.

Today I went to Ukazoo to trade in a few books (despite what their site says, the payment for the three I sold them was completely laughable - less than a dollar a book). Of course I left with four new (used) books.

But next week is Spring Break! I'll be in Michigan from Tuesday to Tuesday. Which means I'll have four hours one way on a plane to read some more... In my immediate queue is the rest of Valzhyna Mort's "Factory of Tears," Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," and the rest of the Swallow anthology of new poets from like... 2007. Plus two more books of poetry for class.

Woo hoo!

I was going to give a lengthy update here but I think I'd rather read my book instead.

My computer has been infuriatingly slow lately, which I'm going to say is part of the reason I haven't been on here much. Also, my roomie and I share one modem, as we have yet to get a router. I have to give her a turn with the internet sometimes I guess, especially when she insists she needs it for homework. :P

I've been going through a bit of an existential crisis lately (though "crisis" might be a bit too strong of a word). It's resulted in sort of an isolation period for me (does my horoscope say anything about this?) with strange cravings for companionship appearing sporadically. Among other things, I've been re-evaluating my writing style, as well as why/how/when I write, and I feel kind of like I'm approaching a breakthrough in... something. I'll have to get back to you on that.

I've also been having a very hard time in regards to my long-distance relationship -- this is, I believe, the longest Jake and I have gone without seeing each other since being back together. I left Saginaw on January 19 and he's coming here March 3. Only six days to go and I'd almost gladly sleep away those six days so that he'd be here already. Then of course I feel guilty for wishing my life away. Some of this unrest has been alleviated by the novelty of Skype, which we just tried for the first time on Tuesday. A camera is still a poor substitute for physical presence, but at least it adds another dimension to the phone call.

The whole thing has caused me to re-evaluate my position though. I've come to the point where Baltimore does feel (mostly) like home, and despite the alarming amount of debt I've amassed in two semesters, I don't regret coming at all. Yet I can't help but give some consideration to a hiatus. In all reality, I think the worst is about over for this year -- Jake will be here for about a week and a half, then my own spring break will follow in the second half of March. Then his semester will end in the beginning of May and mine two weeks after that.

But we've still got two more years to go.

Let's not think that far ahead. For now, winter is almost over, which is certainly something to be glad about.

cross-posted from the wiki of my publishing class

A field trip to Washington D.C.

Moving to Baltimore has resulted in a lot of "firsts" for me -- first time living outside of Michigan, first time living six stories off the ground, first time relying on public transit to get places. The latest new first is my attendance at the AWP conference in Washington D.C. Last year during AWP time (it was held in Denver; I was still in MI) I was interning for a small press in Bay City. I had a few days off while the editor and her assistant flew out to Denver; they came back with various pamphlets and literary journals from presses I'd never heard of. The editor (who's also a poet) talked about having met editors for journals like Prairie Schooner and Exquisite Corpse and had a whole new list of places to submit her work.

Still, I didn't realize the magnitude of the conference until I got there at about noon on Friday. I picked up my registration materials (including a free tote bag and a conference guide that weighs as much as a biology textbook). I had no idea where to start. I wandered toward the exhibition halls and came across a session in which Joyce Carol Oates was reading from her memoir. I stopped in for a few minutes, but I was too anxious to see more. So I checked the guide for a couple tables with people that I knew (including the MI publisher I'd interned for and UB's MFA table), headed for the exhibition hall, and wandered through the madness until I found the familiar faces of Kendra and Steve.

I'm not kidding about the madness part. There were over 400 booths and tables in the exhibition halls at the Marriott (409, to be exact, if I counted correctly). That's 400+ different literary magazines, presses, MFA programs, and organizations. So, I moved to the right of the CityLit table (which was stationed next to UB's table) and started walking. I first came to the table of a literary magazine called Specs, which I'd never heard of. The cover design was beautiful, and it was a lovely nearly-square shape. I bought a copy with the theme “Faux histories” (there was also a “toys” themed issue, and their forthcoming will be “Kaleidoscopic point” themed). It was after I shelled out my $8, of course, that the lady at the table conspiratorially informed me that most of the vendors would mark their wares down dramatically come Saturday afternoon so that they wouldn’t have to pack it up and take it home with them. I thanked her and moved to the next table.

I won’t go into detail of all the tables I visited, mostly to save space but also because I don’t quite remember myself. It would have made the most sense to move up and down the rows systematically, but it was too overwhelming -- I kept seeing tables for journals I was familiar with, or a pretty cover display on a small-press table would catch my eye and lure me in (I did learn my lesson though: the Benu Press table had displayed a lovely book of poetry titled 200 Nights and One Day; Friday they wanted $10 for it, but I held off til Saturday and got it for $5). I acquired several other literary journals, most for free or cheap (there were a few who were still charging as much as $10 an issue; this was still marked down from the cover price). The BOA table had slightly-damaged poetry collections from authors like Li-Young Lee and Lucille Clifton for $5 apiece; I bought one Friday and three more Saturday when they’d marked them down to three for $5. I also got free bags, pins, magnets, pens, pads of paper, candy, and a free tee shirt from the Santa Clara Review.

I also met several of the “faces behind the names” -- one of the editors from Newpages.com, for example, and the editor of Benu Press. A co-editor from the Beloit Poetry Journal (which I’d become familiar with in the past, then forgot about) was at their table; we talked about poetry and she told me how they run the submission process. Upon hearing my intention to submit, she encouraged me to do so and told me to mention our meeting in the cover letter. I purchased a couple back issues (at $3 apiece) and thanked her, assuring her that I’d be sending some poems very soon. What a great opportunity!

And this was just the bookfair part. The conference also scheduled dozens of panels offering press readings and discussions on topics like “Demystifying the Author/Agent Relationship” and “What’s Normal in Nonfiction?” and “Fresh Faces & First Books by Asian-American Poets.” I attended one on Friday called “Shifting Your Perspective on Internet Publishing.” It featured speakers from five different online literary magazines showing us pages from their sites and talking about the benefits of the internet as a new literary medium (they cited things like the multimedia aspect and the accessibility to a non-literary audience among the pros). I don’t know that I’d consider myself a convert, but I was intrigued by the possibilities and was even thinking of my own poetry in that context.

Saturday I attended three more panels, among them a session called “What Editors Love,” which of course packed the room to the gills (people were sitting on the floor around the panelists’ table and at the back of the room). And you can bet we were all taking notes (if anyone wants to see them, I’d be happy to share). Another I attended was called “Exploring the Emerging Genre of Fashion Writing” (because yes, I’m a girl, and yes, I love shopping). It was a talk that got me thinking about the other ways I could potentially make a living as a writer.

At the close of the conference both days I pretty much felt like I’d run a marathon (partly because of the heavy bags of books I’d carried on my shoulders for hours). Nonetheless, Friday night after the conference I attended the Gulf Coast reading with a couple fellow MFA’ers. Valzhyna Mort was among the featured readers, as was Matthew Zapruder and another man who read an excerpt from his novel. The reading was held in the basement of a bar in D.C. called The Big Hunt; the room was packed beyond comfort by the time the reading started and stayed that way until I left at about 8pm (another reading was scheduled in the same place at 8, but I had a MARC train to catch). Despite the number of bodies in the room, everyone was respectful enough to keep it down while the readers were onstage. And I found that I much preferred to listen to the poets over the novelist; the compactness and completeness of the poems held my interest much more so than an excerpt from a novel I’d never read, whose characters I was unfamiliar with (despite the author’s attempt at a brief back story). I understand completely now why we don’t hold “novel slams.” Speaking of slams, I’m told that AWP sponsored a poetry slam Saturday night, but after getting up at 6:20 and spending a full 8.5 hours at the conference, neither I nor the girls I carpooled with had any more room or energy in our already-over-stimulated brains to take it on. So we had dinner at a Thai restaurant around the corner from the Marriott and called it a day.

All in all, I came away with 16 different literary journals and seven new books of poetry, plus a couple magazines and countless business cards/submission guideline slips. What an amazing resource for writers and publishers alike.

A few highlights from my 1.5 weeks back in Baltimore:

I spent my birthday (the 20th) in Washington D.C. with my roommate, trying Ethiopian food then visiting part of the Smithsonian. Also had an amazing carrot cupcake from a place called "Red Velvet."

Went to my first house party here, in honor of a friend from class; had a good time and met a few cool people. Also got to know a couple of my classmates better.

Experienced my first Baltimore blizzard. Made a snowman.

Was told by my boss at the library that I'm not allowed to graduate ever because she likes the work I do and doesn't want me to leave. Also, I'm getting a raise.

Got a writing/art table for my room. It fits into its designated space perfectly. I have used it for its intended purpose.

Hung out with my friend Jon whom I haven't seen in weeks. Had a Manhattan (the drink) for the first time.

Got out my keyboard (the musical variety) to try and learn a song by ear. Discovered that the time I spent last summer learning and practicing scales was actually beneficial. It's a pretty good incentive to keep practicing. Now I kind of wish I had a real piano with a full set of keys.