Now what?

Well, winter has come and gone and with it my last semester of grad school. So that's it; I officially have my MFA in creative writing & publishing; the diploma's in the mail.

Someone asked me yesterday how graduation was; I said the first thing that popped into my head: "anti-climactic." Some friends talked me into walking in the ceremony, and another who graduated last year lent me his cap, gown, and hood. I sat in the audience next to a fellow MFA'er and listened to a few speeches, walked across the stage when my name was called, got hooded and got my picture taken a couple times by the photographers and then returned to my seat. And so I guess that's the culmination of my last four years. I don't want to downplay all the work I did or the challenges I faced during that time, but now that it's over, it already feels distant. I don't feel any different now that I have a master's degree than I did before -- though I'm sure some of that is because the change was gradual and happened in increments, not all at once like the ceremony. But I'm not sure how much of an advantage it really gives me now that the experience is over. I mean, the experience was worth it, and I don't regret the last four years at all, but I'm not sure if the degree itself is going to give me an advantage in the "real world."

I'm now unemployed, for one thing. I had envisioned, during the final couple of hectic weeks, that this free time I have would be spent immersed in writing and visual art, but in reality it's been a struggle. I've managed to write something every day since the ceremony (which I realize was less than a week ago, May 22) and even pushed myself to work on a couple of artistic/crafty projects I started long ago, but I've also spent a lot of time on the couch watching TV or reading (I'll never view reading as a waste of time, but it's all amounted to a lot of sitting still). I'd also told everyone that the first several days of my break would be spent vegging and doing nothing, but... it turns out there's a lot of time in the day when you have no obligations, and my days have had room for both vegging and productivity. I know, I KNOW there's merit in sitting and being inactive, letting the mind reflect, leaving time for introspection, and it's through that introspection that I know myself well enough to understand the "problem": I need a new challenge.

Well, the challenges are coming. For three weekends in June, I'll be taking a course in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, with the goal of eventually being employed abroad, in Eastern Europe, Asia, or South America. The company I'm taking the class through, Oxford Seminars, guarantees job placement after I complete my certificate, so it will just be a matter of time before I'm off to see the world -- if I like the workshop enough to spend six months or more teaching. I've always been really ambivalent about teaching; I think the conditions would have to be just right for me to enjoy it (I don't think I'd do too well with young children, for example, or people who aren't interested in learning). But I do love English, and language in general, and I'm discovering a passion for promoting education and literacy. At the very least, this course will let me find out (perhaps once and for all) whether I can teach.

July 3, I'm returning to Ireland with most of my expenses paid this time, which is an incredible opportunity; Kimberley, my supervisor at the theater and one of the core faculty members for the Armagh Project, has arranged for me to attend again this year as a Teacher's Assistant (thus, a chance to experience teaching in a different environment). I'm a little nervous about what this will entail, since I haven't been given any formal instruction yet, but I'm really excited to get back overseas, especially since one of my best friends, Maureen, is taking the residency this time. I'm looking forward to exploring with her, to revisiting Armagh and Belfast and Dublin and also seeing some places I didn't have time to visit before. I gave myself an extra week abroad once the program is over to visit other parts of Great Britain and to return to France for a night or two (Jake is supposed to be joining me for this final week, which is also exciting -- he's never been abroad).

Then the search for a "real" job will begin (though that actually should start much sooner so that I can potentially have something lined up when I get back). I'm incredibly averse to the 9-5 corporate environment, and am really dreading the prospect of a desk job, but my resume will doubtless be sent to a few of those places. However, I've also applied for a nine-month writer's residency in South Carolina and would like to look for other similar opportunities. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to indulge this long-term wanderlust before the feeling of obligation to "settle down" takes over, but for now I'm going to keep it up. And continue trying to find a satisfying balance between productivity and relaxation in the meantime.

progress report

In just under three weeks, I'll be presenting my thesis collection of poems -- in book form, with design and layout entirely by me -- at a reading alongside other MFA candidates. In just over a month, I'll be graduating -- and actually participating in the ceremony, after some persuasion by my Baltimore friends (since my family won't be able to attend, thanks to the fact that it's occuring at 10:30 on a Thursday morning).

Yes, people have started asking me what I'll be doing next. The short answer: I'm not sure. The long answer: I have some ideas.

All of my current employment is contingent on the fact that I'm a student. Thus, come May 22, I will be completely UNemployed. I wonder if I should be more anxious about this fact than I am. I've been exploring some opportunities; one that particularly appeals to me is finding a job within the University System of Maryland so that, after a little time off, I can continue taking classes for free and maybe get another Bachelor's degree (or just continue my education without a set degree goal). I'm still also very interested in book editing, layout, and design. More than that, though, I'm interested in opportunities that allow me to travel, especially internationally. I've been looking into TESOL certification; there's a course being offered nearby over three weekends in June.

More about France (aka "Return to Baltimore Part II")

Somehow I’ve failed to write about Paris at all, anywhere (I fell behind in my journal keeping pretty quickly) so I figure I better do it now and also fulfill Part II.  

The Sacre Coeur

I didn’t sleep very well in Montpellier; whoever was in the room next to me kept going in and out, and the doors to the rooms stuck which meant that he or she kept slamming it. I was also nervous about catching my train, I think, but I made it just fine. Once I arrived in Paris, I got a little lost relying on screenshots of Google Maps again, but I eventually found my hostel. I couldn’t check in yet as it was too early in the day, but the desk clerk spoke excellent English (which was less surprising in such a big city) and explained to me all the sites I could go see in the meantime. They stored my luggage for me and I wandered off to the Sacre Coeur, which was close enough to walk to.  It was huge and gorgeous, of course, a giant domed cathedral with marble everywhere. It kind of struck me as unfortunate how touristy it’d become (there was a gift shop inside, and coin pressing machines) but it was still beautiful. Plus it’s built on a hill with stairs and terraces which allow an amazing view of Paris. And, along the side streets, was Montemarte. I had some quiche and coffee on an outdoor terrace of a restaurant within view of the Sacre Coeur then wandered through the little tourist shops and into the square, where there were rows and rows of artists set up under tents, doing portraits of people and selling their art. The weather was lovely and sunny and it was… well, me in Paris, thrilled.

After a few hours, I went back to the hostel and checked in, then took the Metro to the 7^th arrondissemont to fulfill a life goal: Le Tour Eiffel. After some debate I decided to only go to the second level (that way I have something to look forward to the next time I go, hopefully with a travel partner). It was strange to be touring it alone – and I felt silly doing the selfie thing, but didn’t want to ask a stranger to take my photo for me, despite being behind a pair of American girls in line. The views were amazing nonetheless and I even saw a hot air balloon floating over the Seine, which seems so postcardy. Also, unbeknownst to me, there’s a bar/club on the first level of the tower, and a super fancy expensive restaurant on the second (or maybe I have that backwards). There were gift shops too, of course, but I avoided buying anything.

Versailles from the front gates

After the tower I wandered a bit and found the Arc de Triomphe, then took the Metro back to the neighborhood of my hostel and had dinner. Back in my room, I discovered that, as a female travelling alone, booking a bed in a “mixed dorm” meant I’d be the only girl in the room. No matter; the three guys in the room, also all travelling alone, were perfectly respectful (though unfortunately the one in the bunk below mine was a crazy-loud snorer and I didn’t get much sleep that night. I did acquire some ear plugs the next day at a pharmacy, though it was a particular challenge trying to explain what I wanted to the shopkeeper). I also made a friend, a software engineer from California named Sunny who became my temporary travel buddy for Saturday and part of Sunday. We went to Versailles for the day and toured the castle, the grounds, and Louis and Marie Antoinette’s summer homes (yeah, they each had their own). And also Marie Antoinette’s custom-built English hamlet in the French countryside. Talk about opulence. Even the train to and from Versailles from Gare du Nord was lavishly decorated, and a man came through playing the accordion. Before we got back on the train for Paris that evening, we stopped at a McDonald’s where they had self-order kiosks and a separate pastry counter, and I ordered a coconut frappe that was incredible.

The Hall of Mirrors in Versailles

Sunny and I went our separate ways once back at the hostel (well, as separate as we could seeing as we shared a room).  I had intended to just eat at the hostel that night since I’d brought some food from Labastide, but Sunny talked me into eating at a restaurant (which I suppose makes sense since it was his last night there) so we walked over to the Moulin Rouge – also on my  to-do list, though in a weird part of the city with many sex shops around (I didn’t have any real desire to go inside; mostly I just wanted to see the windmill) – then wandered around for a while, trying to decide on a restaurant. Being a Saturday night, many of them were either full or expensive, but we found one with a table near the window that had a prix fixe menu. Montemarte is quite lovely at night and the food was delicious (I think I had salmon).

Sunday it rained ALL DAY. And of course I didn’t pack an umbrella. After breakfast Sunny and I walked over to an area rumored to have some amazing outdoor markets; part of it was rows of these sort of ragtag shacks lined up and part of it was just tents lined along the street (though a few vendors made good use of a wide sidewalk under an overpass). I searched a few book stands for the French language version of Harry Potter (I’d seen them in Montpellier but they’d been pretty pricey) but had no luck. We stopped at a bakery and got some pastries, then stood under the awning outside and ate them (I LOVE strawberry tarts).

Sunny and I parted ways on the Metro after exchanging email addresses, and I went to explore the Left Bank a bit more. I found Notre Dame but decided not to wait in the incredibly long line to take the interior tour; I bought an umbrella instead then circled a few blocks trying to find the Shakespeare and Co. bookstore. I was finally victorious, after my shoes were good and soaked. The bookstore is a famous English-language shop with used and new books; they were also incredibly pricey. Upstairs was a little library/reading room where I found a copy of the Paul Auster book I’d started at La Muse but had to leave behind. I read for a while, partly hoping the rain would stop and that my shoes would dry a bit, but no luck on either front.

Notre Dame Cathedral

French Starbucks in the Champs Elysees

In the same area were two cafes made famous by such American writers as Hemingway and Fitzgerald; after some walking, I found them both but both had menus with prices a bit out of my budget. I found a restaurant on a little back street nearby and had more quiche and coffee (I also found a book store with Harry Potter #4 and #5 for €1 each, which led to some hard choices later about what to leave behind due to a lack of luggage space). After lunch I went back to the hostel for dry socks (it’d mostly stopped raining by then) before heading back to the Arc de Triomphe. Wandering the plazas nearby were several French military personnel, complete with berets and big guns, which was a little disconcerting. No one else paid them any mind though, so I assumed they were a regular presence.

The price of tickets to the top of the Arc de Triomphe was more than I wanted to pay, so I circled the outside then headed for the Champs Elysees. They were, in all honesty, a bit disappointing. I wandered through a French Gap and a French H&M (passing a French Starbucks along the way) before deciding I’d had enough. Plus the rain was starting again. So I went back to the hostel for my second-to-last night, packed up most of my stuff, and got ready to go to London the next day.

New Year, New Survey

So I promise that I started this around the time of the New Year, even though I'm only posting it now.


1.What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? France! And England. Spent a night in a hotel on U.S. Airways' dime and got a travel voucher (thanks to a cancelled flight). Swam in the Atlantic Ocean. Got an old-timey photo done with Regina and Maureen. Interviewed a professor for a magazine article. Recorded my singing voice to see how it sounded (it's not bad). Took a class in personal essay (and enjoyed it). 

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any solid resolutions last year. I think this year's only resolution will be to keep in better touch with my friends and family, especially as they start to scatter across the country. None of them are very good at keeping in touch either, so someone's got to step up. :P

3. What countries did you visit? France! And England, for a day.

4. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? A yard (or at least a balcony). 

5. What was the most memorable moment of 2013? Anna's wedding and the surrounding days in MI. Rehoboth and Ocean City. Being in Labastide, and coming off the Metro into Paris for the first time (dragging way too much luggage with me). 

6. What were your biggest achievements of the year? Are you really going to make me say it again? FRANCE. Also, having the resolve to quit OTS even though it meant a pay cut.


7. What was your biggest failure? Several of my house plants died. I just can't seem to get the watering schedule right!

8. Did you suffer illness or injury? Some kind of respiratory thing after I got home from France (I believe because the air there is much cleaner than Baltimore's) and a flu of sorts in early December. No injuries, thankfully.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? Jon's and especially Geena's, for having the resolve to run off to Chicago to better themselves (even though it means they left us here in Baltimore, sigh). 

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Oh, come on now. Why dwell in the negative?

11. Where did most of your money go? Either rent or travel.

12. What song will always remind you of 2013? Hm. Probably "Carry On" by Fun. and "Sunshine" by Matisyahu, among others.

13. Compared to last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? I think I've pretty much leveled out.
ii. thinner or fatter? A bit thinner -- I've managed to lose some my Ireland weight.
iii. richer or poorer? Pretty much the same, though I quit one of my jobs and took a lesser position at the newspaper, so I have less income.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of? Getting rid of material possessions. As my trips to both Ireland and France taught me, life is much easier when there's less clutter.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of? Buying shoes? Okay, and wasting time on Facebook...

16. How did you spend Christmas? In Michigan with family, as per usual. With a bit of time stuck in my friend Jeff's driveway so that we could get our fill of snow and ice for the season.

17.  What was your favorite TV program? Doctor Who and Once Upon a Time.

18. What was the best book you read? Probably The Artist's Guide to Grant-Writing -- it's about the business side of making a living as an artist, basically. It's one I need to look at again.

19. What was your greatest musical discovery of 2013? My year was sort of lacking in the music department, actually. I made a couple of good Pandora stations, though.

20. What did you want and get? To go to France.

21. What did you want and not get? A yard or balcony.

22. What was your favorite film of this year? I honestly can't remember seeing anything in the theater other than "The Day of the Doctor," so I guess that wins by default.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27; my friends Jon and Regina hosted a party for me at their house and then we all went out dancing at The Get Down. It was quite fun.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? That award once again goes to a reliable, accessible public transit system in Baltimore.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Stagnated -- I'm very indifferent about most of my current wardrobe. But, on the plus side (maybe) I think I managed to get rid of more clothing than I bought, for the first time in my adult life.

26. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The Doctor, haha.

27. Who was the best new person you met? Probably my fellow La Muse retreaters -- particularly Helena, Jenny, and Kate.

28. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013: I'm starting to learn something about the balance between solo life goals and making time for friends and family, who really make life fulfilling in a different and necessary way.

The Return to Baltimore (part 1)

This post is a little late, as I've been back in Baltimore City for a week now, but unfortunately I fell victim to some kind of respiratory virus, which I just finally seem to be recovering from now. I think I've slept as much as I've been awake in the last six days, and the mental fog I've been in while awake really makes me grateful for how well my brain works when it IS in top shape (and also how delicate a balance life has to be in for it to reach that ideal mode of operation).

Perhaps my illness has made the transition back to Baltimore from abroad an easier one; it prevented me from immediately diving completely back into my routine (though I did start class the day after I returned, thanks to a scheduling issue with UB) and even without illness, my body would have appreciated the rest. My trip from Paris to Baltimore was about as perfect as possible; all trains and flights arrived and departed on time, my layover was just enough time to make it through comfortably without getting too bored waiting on my next flight, and customs was a breeze. U.S. Airways even gave us a free glass of wine with lunch!

But, let me back up a few days. I left La Muse on Thursday and took a train to Carcassonne. By this point I was nervous about all my travel, but John helped me buy my ticket to Montpellier and got me where I needed to be on the platform, which was an immense relief. Once in Montpellier I got a little lost trying to find my hotel from the train station but managed to make my way thanks to a couple of screen shots I'd taken with my phone of Google Maps. (Despite paying for the roaming data on my Verizon phone, it was very finicky about the connection and thus usually of little use.) Upon checking in, I was humbled to discover that the desk clerk spoke better English than I did French, though most of our conversations thereafter were some mix of the two. He gave me a train map and explained to me how to get to the beach via the public transit, and I decided to try that first.

I have to say, going to the beach alone is weird. Going alone to a beach where nearly no one speaks your language is even weirder. I didn't see anyone else there alone, and I didn't particularly feel like people were noticing that I was alone, but I didn't end up staying all that long. I waded into the water (the Mediterranean Sea!) and floated around for awhile, picked up a couple of shells at water's edge then sat long enough to (mostly) dry off before heading back to the city. The transport system they've set up is quite nice; they have a light rail which stops at the southern end of the city, and from there you use your train ticket to access a shuttle bus to the beach.

The Mediterranean Sea from Montpellier

Back at the hotel, I soon learned just how ideally situated I was, despite being wedged down a cramped little side street: one block away was the Place de la Comedie, Montpellier's big open square and the edge of a several-block-radius of shops, cafes, and restaurants. I spent my evening wandering around, feeling much less conspicuous as a loner. I bought a couple of French-language books to practice with at a multi-floor bookstore and had dinner outside at a cheap little place called Sucre Sale. There were various musicians and street performers throughout the evening, including like an 8-piece brass band at one point and a group of carousel-music type musicians (what's that music called? Ragtime?) at another. The lights and the energy and the atmosphere were all lovely, and it was nice to be in a place so alive into the evening and night. People were out shopping, or just walking, and it wasn't too crowded or touristy.

And the next day, I went to Paris.

Leaving La Muse

I've reached the point in which my journey is 3/4 over, and my time at La Muse ends tomorrow morning. I am, of course, a little sad to be going, but I'm also in the mindset now that I'm eager (and a little anxious) to complete the next leg(s) of my journey: a night in Montpellier, then four nights in Paris, with a day trip to London on Monday before flying home on Tuesday morning. I've made all the arrangements, so here's hoping the bad luck I had on my way here is long gone.

The last week or so has included quite a bit of reading, writing, and walking, spending time outside on various trails and terraces. We went back to Carcassonne, to see La Cite this time, which is the old fortified part of the town (and quite a tourist trap, admittedly, though we found a good restaurant with a really nice outdoor terrace).

The entrance to La Cite

Sunday involved climbing another mountain to see the ruins of Les Chateaux at Lastours.

Here are three of the four castles; the fourth is behind and off to the right.

Monday was Jenny's birthday, so a group of five of us went to La Fenial in Roquefare for dinner and wine. Roquefare is the neighboring village, as I think I've mentioned, and it's quite lovely. A couple days prior, Helena and I walked a trail that led into the village and gave us some great views from above.

Roquefare from the mountain

In this past week we also had a group "farewell" pizza dinner put on by La Muse and a reading at which to share the writing we've been doing. Kate and I went to the village rummage sale Sunday morning, were I found a few kids' books in French to practice with and a couple of other funny little souvenirs (both for myself and others). Hopefully no one makes fun of me if I decide to (try to) read them on the trains.

So that, briefly, is what my last week has been like.

France: A Progress Report

Well, I've reached what is approximately the halfway point in my trip (and a little beyond halfway through my stay at La Muse) and overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my progress. Being in a setting where I have little else to worry about besides what I'm reading and writing for the day has really allowed me to focus (as would be expected, I guess) -- particularly once I got out of my own way.

In some regard, when I first got here, I was putting a little too much pressure on myself. Some of it was the expected "performance anxiety," but more than that I think I was expecting some kind of revelation, if you will, which would allow me to pursue a completely new and inspired path of writing.

That's not how it seems to work.

I have had revelations of other sorts, it's true: I now know what it's like to be on the outside of the language barrier, and what it's like to struggle to communicate with someone else on a basic level. For a few days I was actually a little afraid to run into the other villagers on my walks, for fear that they might say something more than "bonjour" or "bon soir" and I wouldn't understand what it was (this has happened, for the record, and I handled it just fine, if a bit awkwardly. The villagers are used to non-French speakers wandering through regularly, thanks to La Muse).

But perhaps my biggest revelation was, that's not how my writing works. I'm a processor; things take awhile to root and develop in my head. However, it's completely reasonable (and now, in hindsight, obvious) that I should work on the things I've brought with me -- both the actual words I'd already written and some of the more abstract things I'd been mulling over in my head before making the trip. In fact, there's a half-full notebook that I left at home to make room for empty ones; I wish I'd brought it to give myself more places to start from. On the other hand, I did print out a couple dozen poems and several stories in anticipation of revising them, and I have done some work with many of those drafts.

I've also managed to write. I've added 24 (handwritten) pages to a story I started in Baltimore (which I'm not yet acknowledging as the start of a novel for fear of being overwhelmed), added a few pages to another half a story I brought with me, and have filled up roughly one third of my poetry notebook (though some of the pieces are more like musings with line breaks than actual poems). I've also been reading, journaling, blogging, and studying French (I have a phone app for the latter called Duolingo; the randomly-generated sentences which are put before me to translate have been quite the source of amusement for my fellow retreaters. Examples include "Why is the cat dead?", "The horse is eating the roses," "Your boy is ugly," and "The man is naked." Finding practical applications for these sentences has been... a little difficult, as one might imagine).

I haven't put forth specific goals for myself in terms of production; I'd love to leave the retreat with all three of my notebooks full and my journal nearly so (a few of the pages will be reserved for the travelling I do after La Muse) but I'm not going to beat myself up about it if they're not. Everything I write here, whether it's crap or not, could prove a source of inspiration later on. In fact, I think I revise better when I let something sit for a long time before returning to it.

The village, of course, is still wonderful. For a couple of days last week I was feeling a little stir-crazy, but a trip to Carcassonne on Thursday helped with that, as did a trip to the cafe in the neighboring village, Roquefare, on Saturday evening with Helena and Jenny, two of my housemates. And on Sunday, Helena and I climbed a mountain (I'm still a little sore from the trip). Yesterday I had a bit of trouble getting started, so I walked down to the river (which I did finally find two different paths to, thanks to the help of another housemate) and sat for a couple of hours with a book and a notebook. I think all the possible changes of scenery within walking distance of La Muse will be strongly missed when I return home.

But so, without further ado, pictures:

Carcassonne. To the right is the city square, where the Market was just closing down for the day. Fresh fruits, vegetables, meats, and cheeses.

The Cross at the top of Le Roque, an easier sort of half mountain, if you will.

The view from the mountain Helena and I climbed, near Roquefare. In the distance is Carcassonne, and beyond that, the Pyrenees Mountains.