Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Between Two Trips

I don't know how it's July already. It seems like time goes by faster as I get older and I don't know if I like it.

I went home to Michigan for a couple weeks in early/mid June. It was really good to see all my family and friends, and I was somewhat intrigued to find how both "in the loop" and "out of the loop" I felt. I suppose that's the way I'll always feel when I go home now; kind of teetering on the edge of immersion and alienation. It's still weird to see a place -- in this case, Saginaw -- where, for awhile, I spent nearly every moment of my time (sleeping or waking), and how it's continuing on without me, sometimes even becoming unfamiliar. It's also odd to see my friends' lives go in directions that I'm not involved in... but I guess I'm doing the same thing. (Though so far only one of them has actually been out to visit me... but I'll curb my whining about that for now.) The point is, I wonder what will happen as my path strays further from my point of origin.

I think in some way, it makes me feel like I really do have to accomplish great things, to make my self-imposed exodus worthwhile. But even when I was in Michigan I always felt like I should be somewhere else. Except for maybe my last summer there, when I knew I was moving and therefore made the best of the time I had left. Anyway, it makes me happy to see my friends getting married and having babies and starting families and careers and being (or at least appearing) fulfilled, and I wonder what it is about me that makes me not want that life, at least not now.

I really do hope something great comes out of all this.

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