Saturday, April 3, 2010

I've gotta get out of this place

I woke up this morning feeling strange. My window was open, the sun was shining, the fresh air was blowing in and I didn't have anywhere I had to be (until work this afternoon at 330). These things would usually cheer me, but this morning they didn't. I don't know why, but it all made me feel sort of weary. I think sometime during the night my mind inadvertently moved these things into the category of "tiresome things that happen over and over." The same coffee shop I come to write at with the same people. The same increasingly-awful job that I've had for nearly six years (but with no sort of seniority that I can see; I work six days in a row, starting today, including all day Easter. And the pay isn't particularly great: my raise last year - for the whole year - was a staggering 16 cents). I know I should be grateful for the hours and whatever, but last week was hellish. I despise being given a day's worth of tasks and not being given the time to do them, and that happened four days in a row last week (it seems whoever is forecasting our business trends is terrible at it).

It seems like I'm running out of things to look forward to. I've stumbled into writer's block; the last book I read, while good, was uninspiring, and the book of poetry I started this morning reminds me of all the things I hate about poetry. I guess I've thought of various things to talk about, but nothing I know how to make a good story out of. Maybe I should move early and get to the shell-shock now. Maybe it will eliminate this weary boredom. UB has offered me enough financial aid (mostly in the form of student loans) to live off of without having to work for the year, but I don't want to do that. I have a dream of someday being debt-free. I'm waiting to find out whether I get the scholarship I applied for (should know by next week) so I can plan accordingly. In the meantime I've got to figure out how to get myself out of this funk.

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